Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Challenges I face(d).

Assalamualykm wahrahmatalahi wabarakatu.

I was asked by a dear sister to write about the grand differences I have experienced since my reversion to Islam and how I have dealt with the drastic changes in my life ( from being a party girl from the West to a humbled weak servant of Allah (swt) )

I never realised the changes I have undergone until I was asked this question.

If I took myself 8 months ago and compared myself to "me" presently speaking, I would say that I have gone ( and continue to undergo) a complete 180. Do I find it difficult to adhere to and abide by my new life full of "rules"?

To be honest , if I didn't say "yes" I would be lying. The changes I have gone through and continue to go through have been challenging but at the same time the transitions have been very smooth Alhamdulilah. I guess because Allah knows my intentions and He is ALWAYS Merciful to those who want the help themselves, therefore He has made things easier for me Alhamdulilah.

Firstly, I will explain to you the things I absolutely loved about the dunya. There were many things in my daily life that i grew so attached to, and these are all things I loved even BEFORE I knew about Islam .

I loved my gym clothes, my co-ed gym membership, my protein shakes. My daily routine was going the gym spending hours there working out an socializing. When I worked at my 9-5 job I would go to the gym after work and commute home on the public transit and sometimes getting home after dark. I thought nothing about this nor did I even think about the dangers of walking in a alleyway all by myself in the dark. I was worried more about having a productive workout than if I was being followed off the bus.

Secondly, I won't lie, ( as Muslims only speak the truth) I loved having that glass of wine at dinner with friends. I loved going out for dinner with "the girls" and I loved going out on weekends to the "hottest parties." Staying out with "my girls" out til dawn and sometimes going to work the next day at 9am was to me, " soo cool and social" I thought I was such a "socialite" and little did I know how irresponsible my actions were and also what kind of danger I could have been put through. I was so absorbed in my own world I thought I was a celebrity !!?!

Thirdly, did I ever love my iPod and my brain dead shows "jersey shore" , " American idol" , and any other reality hit tv show that was popular. I loved my iPod. It was the thing that kept me awake and pumped during my workouts and my trips to work. I would plug in my two ears these small little speakers and the sounds of the world would just drown out. I had to have my daily dose of "l'il Wayne " "jay-z", "David guetta" , and any crazy house music that would feed my brain hypnotizing sound waves. I also loved television and couldn't miss the episodes of my favourite shows so I could talk about them the next day at work. If I only knew back then what a complete waste of time television was.

So now that you have an idea of what things in my life were "absolutely important" I continue now with my reversion and my experience of loosing all those habits and desires.

When at first I entered Islam , I was overwhelmed with emotions and excitement! I had done my research and had started slowly leaving behind my western lifestyle in hopes of preparing me for my new religion. I can't explain it and only Allah knows best but I was just so ready for a change and I just felt Islam was right for me. My life that I was leading was just so empty. There was never any fulfillment nor any satisfaction with anything I ever did. The gym was so much work and going home alone in the dark was just getting too tiring especially during winter. I was getting bored of going out to dinner and parties. When I came home after these events it was the same feeling every single time. Either i forget half the night or I was so tired and bored of putting on makeup and taking it off and remembering that my natural beauty is most beautiful, but why did people always think that the glamorous "made up" look was so beautiful?
Not to mention waste of money.

So after I became Muslim, I was ready to try out the new religion not knowing what to expect. I thought that ALL Muslims were practicing Muslims. I also thought that all Muslims loved their religion and knew so much about Allah and the sunnah(was I ever wrong)! Alhamdulilah Allah blessed me with a sister who was there to help me through my transition. I wore the hijab in the second week I became Muslim. It was the biggest change I had ever face. I was so self conscious and was sweating like a freak! I kept reminding myself that I was wearing the hijab for Allah and hopefully He would see my struggles. I grew impatient and sometimes frustrated with my hijab. I often asked myself " why do I have to wear this if some Muslims don't wear it?" I later learned that the hijab is NOT optional. If you are a servant of your Lord, you will do anything and everything to please HIM and only HIM. So Alhamdulilah slowly, things got easier with the help of Allah.

I also had to change my wardrobe completely. No more tight yoga pants or tight jeans and heels as that is not Muslim appropriate. At first I had seen some pretty stylish Muslimahs and asked my husband if I could perhaps continue my love for fashion in the Muslim world. I thought well look at all these fancy Muslimahs, why cant I be like them? I realised later that in Islam , we are to guard our adornment and the true signs of beauty are found in a Muslimah and her modesty. One who dresses completely appropriately and not to attract the attention of male strangers. I had a hard time accepting this at the beginning but I started to realize the truth behind these teachings and understood that your adornment is reserved for your husband and Allah only. Not random men who look at you like your some sort of free show judging you with thoughts I'm sure you'd rather wish never existed. I have found the issue with the way I dress was the most challenging yet the most rewarding. I feel so beautiful in my hijab and recently I started covering my face and there is just nothing more appealing than a woman behind a veil. Sometimes I feel we are so intriguing and mysterious that people look at us even more because they wonder who is that women behind the black veil?!
Aha! But only Allah knows who is behind the beautiful , flowing veil :)

Aside from that, breaking the news to my parents about my Islam was easier than I expected and telling them I was going to get married was even easier! Allah is ever so Merciful. I find I have more challenges now with my family than I did when I first told them. I deal with daily challenges with a few family members. But generally this has not been a hindrance to my reversion. As I know Allah will guide who He wills and as long as I show my family what my Islam has done to me and that Islam in fact a religion of peace than I pray only for Allah to be pleased with me.
I used to be rude, belligerent, and very mouthy but alhamdulilah by Allah's mercy I have had the opportunity to have my heart soften by Allahs will. I have found my character and attitude changing slowly. I have just been more patient than I have ever been!!! The more salats I pray the more humbled I am by my Lord. The more duaa( supplications) I make, the more answer I receive from Allah. The feeling in my heart has never been so full of love and acceptance ! All this since I became Muslim and inshaa'allah I hope it to soften and fill with more fear, trust, and love for Allah.

Oh, and of course how could I forget, music. I never thought I would be able to cut off my "jams" especially when I would exercise at my all women's gym I joined shortly after , I needed some kind of music at least to motivate me to work out. Somehow, I was able to cut out music completely as it is absolutely haram. Or prophet (pbuh) said that there will be haram things made halal and halal things made haram and the haram thing being made halal is music!! Musical instruments as any kind of music is just pollution to the mind, body and soul. Music somehow just hypnotizes you. Making you feel like you are in your own world and that you rely on music to support your emotional needs. Everything about music is just so wrong!!!! The best help I received to wipe out these noise pollutions from my life was realizing it was a sin, learning why it was a sin, and replacing music with Qur'an recitation and nasheeds. Alhamdulilah it works !!!!!! I can't stand the noise that l'il Wayne makes nor the pollution that jay-z spreads. You can surely blame these very people for spreading subliminal messages to the youth of today. A challenge I thought was going to be so tough to overcome was indeed quite easy and smooth! Again, all praise is due to Allah The Almighty. Without Him I am nothing, nobody. He is the one who created me and provided me with a life less than yours and not greater than yours. He created me with so many things to be thankful for.

You know, if you were to ask me the most challenging thing I face with my reversion since becoming Muslim, is, not that I had to wear the hijab or stop partying or listening to music, but it is getting other Muslims to open up their eyes to help them realize HOW lucky they are to be born Muslims. It's getting Muslims to learn more to be like the Salaf. It's to get Muslims to preserve Islam and to practice it PROPERLY and not under their OWN terms but under Allah's terms.
The biggest challenge I face with my Islam is to try to unite the UMMAH like our Prophet (pbuh) tried so hard to spread and preserve through to generations after generations. The biggest challenge is to help Muslims leave their slavery to the shaitan and to work as a weak servant for Allah.

THAT is my biggest challenge I face.

2 comments:

  1. WOW MASH'ALLAH wow i just love it,mash'Allah to u sis if u can over come these kind of things such as music and the partying then why cant the brothers and sister in Islam they forgetting the real reason there in this world may Allah make there imaan stronger and mash'Allah to u sis im soooo happy for u,what ur doing its great mash'Allah,u make my proud girl LOL may Allah bless u my dear sis-hijabiSISTER xxxxxx

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  2. Thank you for sharing your story... masha'allah.. you have done a lot.. May ALlah be pleased with you <3

    Haboona

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Assalamualaikum, please be mindful about what you are about to write. Think about it before writing and make sure it is something positive and beneficial, otherwise it will be deleted and ignored. JazakiAllah kheyr ! Sisters ONLY! xo