Tuesday, November 25, 2014

What kind of man do you want?





“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other and because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.” [Sûrah an-Nisâ’: 34]
 


One of the many beautiful things our religion has to offer us, is that the Muslim man is supposed to be the protector and provider of the family . The Muslim man (despite what feminists believe, Allah has created the man with this purpose and we can not deny it no matter how hard we try) is the breadwinner, the shepherd, and the teacher in his household. He works hard to keep his family comfortable, he teaches his wife how to raise his children and he protects his family like how a shepherd is responsible for his flock.


it was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (SAW) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; the man is the shepherd of his family members and is responsible for them; the woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them; the slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” [al-Bukhari #853 and Muslim #1829]


The Muslim man who fears Allah and the Last Day, knows that he is responsible for protecting his precious family and not endangering them in any way! I wanted to raise awareness about this issue because I know many sisters (including myself) have noticed that many of our sisters in Islam, who are married, may not know the severity of being married to a man or just being a part of a family where their brothers, fathers, uncle etc have no gheerah (jealousy)

The Dayooth in english literal terms means "a cuckold," which means a man who has an adulterous wife or a man who allows other men to engage with her sexually or look at her sexually etc... So this type of man allows his wife, mother, sister, and daughter dress in the immodest ways and allows them to beautify themselves before going in public only to attract unnecessary attention from strange men. This type of men has no jealousy at all for their womenfolk. He is relaxed and has no concern for other men staring at their women (May Allah protect us all from such kind of men! Ameen!). This man's fitrah is most likely corrupted, and he may also be someone who has no fear of Allah and does not lower his gaze. Though I don't want to make assumptions about our brothers and why they do what they do, I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say that perhaps some of these men have been raised in a household that never really exercised the whole "jealousy" thing as an issue or maybe he is a revert who, in his culture, being jealous over his women was not something considered as important. Or he may very well just be ignorant about his feelings and the severity of being a dayooth!  


Abdullah ibn Umar reported that the Prophet (saw) said:
"Three people will not enter paradise, and Allaah will not0 look to them on the Day of Judgement: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-Dayooth." (Ahmad)
Ad-Dayooth[1] is the man who permits women for whom he is responsible (eg: mother, wife, sister etc.) to engage in illicit sexual relations, or to display their beauty to strange men, thereby stimulating their sexual desires.
FOOTNOTES:
1. {According to the Scholars of Hadeeth, there are various levels of Dayooth according to how negligent or careless he is with displaying the women under his care. For example, some do not care if strange men look at his wife, others don't care even if strange men touch his wife, or kiss his wife, or ultimately sleep with his wife. Punishment is met out to such a person accordingly.}


Can you imagine! Allah will not even look at these people nor will He enter them into Paradise! It is really THAT serious! We must re-evaluate ourselves and our spouses and ask ourselves if this is really the kind of man we want to marry or be married to? My beautiful sisters in Islam! We are all queens of the deen! Alhamdulillah that is why Allah has Commanded :


Allah the Exalted says in Surat an-Noor, ayah 31:


"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private
parts and not show of their adornment except only that which is apparent,
and draw their veils over their (necks and) bosoms and not revel their
adornment except to their husband, their fathers, their husband's fathers,
their sons, their husband's sons, their brothers, or their brother's sons,
or their sister's son, or their women, or their slaves, or male servants
who lack vigour, or small children who have no knowledge of women's awarah
(that which is covered). And let them not stamp their feet to reveal what
they hide of their adornment. And turn you all to Allaah in repentance, O
believers, that you may be successful."
And He says in Surah al-Ahzaab, ayah 59:


"O Prophet! tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the
believers to draw their outer garments close around them. That will be
better, that they may be known and so not be bothered. And Allah is
Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful."

and He has Commanded us to not make ourselves open for invitations to strange men and to cover our beauty! We are not like any other women. We are special! Allah has made us special and raised our rank above other women in this society! Allah has given us Islam and the protection of hijab so that it will help us safeguard ourselves and remain pure and chaste for only those deserving! Alhamdulillah for this big blessing! Sometimes it is good to be reminded about why we are commanded to cover and not display our beauty and adornments (from tight fitting clothing to makeup and fancy jewelry) in public. We as women, should know that this is what is expected from us and just because our husbands, fathers, and brothers may allow us to go out dressed immodestly and freely mixing and mingling with non-mahrams, that should NOT be an excuse to allow ourselves to do such acts of no self-respect! Queens of the Deen, remember that Allah is All-Hearing, All Seeing, All Knowing! We can blame the men all we want, but at the end of the day, we TOO are responsible for our own selves! When death has overtaken us, we will be in our graves, all alone and we will be held accountable for our own deeds. We had a right to say "NO! my husband/father/ brother may not care about me showing my beauty or talking with other men, but I CARE! I care because I value myself as a woman and I want to be like Maryam (may Allah be pleased with her) and because I love Allah!!"  

What we need to realize here, is that, it is a two way street. It takes two to tango (so to speak, i dont encourage dancing of these sorts at ALL lol- so please do not take this literally lol) and for a man to not care about his wife or women family members being seen by all strange men, and for women to LET her mahram to allow her to do as she pleases, we must know that there is a lack of emaan within the household. There is a lack of emaan, and there is no fear for Allah, the Almighty! The couple must be engaging in something that does not bring barakah to their marriage nor does it make them a better husband and wife to one another. 
That one thing, would be the TV- the satellite dish. 

This is the root of all evil, the toy of shaitan (may Allah protect us from him and his evils and we all seek refuge in Allah from shaitan and his army , ameen) and surely you may not realize "well, what's the harm? It's not like we are watching explicit content!" and I commend you for that Alhamdulillah! But you know, the television is the way to open up the door(s) for shaitan! It allows him to enter in through many ways! The tv is a tool used to desensitize human beings from the reality and to make the haram things halal and to make the halal things haram! Wallahi, this is the truth and I couldnt stress this ENOUGH!!!! I speak from experience from jahaliyya days, the tv is something evil and it ruins families and it corrupts your fitrah!! Most things you see on television (shows, dramas, movies, and even commercials!!) all promote what??!!! FREE MIXING!!! beautiful men and women mixing joyously together, free sex (dating), flirting, chatting etc etc...!!!! How can your man lower his gaze even if he tried! How can he not value your beauty alone even if he tried ? How can you be thankful for your spouse when you compare him to the men from Korean dramas (lol) ?!! How can you even be thankful for your blessings when you have a television that dictates to you what you should be thankful for? How can we remember Allah and fear Him when we have a television that dictates to us how to eat, sleep, and breathe? How can we expect our men to be strong, protective manly men when all he sees on tv are men who allow their women to hang out with them and their best friends?! Once you allow the tv to control your life, you become desensitized from everything else around you. You forget the Qur'an , you forget the Sunnah and most importantly, you forget Allah.

To be honest, I didn't want to make this post SO LONG lol, but once i started writing, I just couldn't stop (Masha'Allah la hawla wala quwatta ila BiLLAH!) ...so i apologize if it is a bit lengthy, but I promise and I hope that it is worth the read insha'Allah !!! But anyway, my QUEENS of the Deen! Remember Allah has favoured you and your husband, father, and brothers over others! He has raised already your rank in this dunya by making you Muslims! ALhamdulillah! So we should really take this blessing to heart, and not take advantage of it and throw it away! We should really cherish and know that having a protective father, brother, husband, son etc is something that is beautiful! It is something that just makes you go "WOW!!! AMAZING!!!" (lol) and to be honest, it was something I always wanted in my jahaliyya days! Wanting a protective spouse who shows you how much he loves you by protecting you and cherishing you is something we all should want (even if you deny it, deep down, your fitrah will even tell you without you knowing!) we should want that man who cares about us and worries about how we look when we leave the house! I love that feeling of protectiveness! Don't you my queens of the deen?! 

So let us reflect and re-evaluate our situations and let us try to understand the importance of trying to be modest and not making ourselves a fitnah for non-mahrams ! Just as the men have their duties to protect us, we also have our duties to protect ourselves first and foremost with the hijab of taqwa! We must learn to reconnect with Allah and open our hearts to His Bounties!!! How blessed we are to be Muslim queens!!! Queens of the DEEN!!! Then once we realize this gift, we can slowly leave out the things that He has prohibited and leave those things that will not benefit us in this life nor the next! 

May Allah protect us all from evil and harm, may He continue to guide us and keep us firm and steadfast with His beautiful deen, and may He open all our hearts to accept the truth ! May He forgive us all and grant us all al-Firdaus AMEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

xo

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