Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Finding Allah (my story to Islam)

The beauty of Islam can be seen through the many different races and nationalities of Muslims. Islam is filled with Muslims who are from all across the world. Our religion invites everyone despite the colour of your skin and the language that you speak. I always feel so blessed to be a part of this beautiful religion that is more colourful than the rainbow. I am Umm Abdur-Rahman and I am a revert for almost 4 years now, Masha’Allah. I was born and raised in Toronto, Canada and my parents are both from Hong Kong. I am a Chinese Canadian and Muslim, Alhamdulillah!
Growing up as an only child, I was always lonely and spent a lot of time by myself. This resulted in my developing a close bond with god from a young age. Though I had no concept of Islam and I did not know what tawheed was, I always called upon god for the smallest of things when I was young. From not letting my parents find out about my bad grades, to achieving good grades or even becoming sick, I always called upon god for help. I was raised as a Christian and later on my parents starting practicing Buddhism. I merely followed whatever they followed.
As I grew older, I began losing my spirituality and faith in god. I became care free and reckless. I always wanted to try things on my own and did not care about the consequences. I was a true rebel. The years went on and I became more and more reckless. I had no direction in my life. Even though I thought I had it all figured out, I had no drive or determination to get to where I wanted to be. I thought my purpose in life was to get rich and famous and that would be how I would gain happiness. I knew there was more to life than seeking the worldly gains but I had no idea where to look for happiness and purpose. If I did look, it was in all the wrong places! My character became worse and worse as I matured, I became very selfish, inconsiderate and extremely disrespectful. I did not care about who I hurt or what I did as long as my needs came first. I didn’t know it then, but it was just a downward spiral if I continued living the way I did. I was into fashion, so I planned to become a fashion designer. I attended fashion school but realised later just how materialistic and tiring it was to always maintain an outer image.
I met a lot of people in my life who made me learn a lot about myself. Many individuals had hurt me and through all those pains and struggles, I started to become unhappy in my heart and I knew that I needed to “find myself”. I attended a lot of parties and social gatherings and thought that I would live my life as a party socialite; which would make me happy and popular. I tried to chase after the worldly life at lightning speed but I ended up getting tired after the first try. I kept trying and trying to fit into society, eventually becoming a slave to society, chained by the shackles of lies and deceit. I fell into despair and loss hope, and that was when Allah sent down the gift of Islam upon me!
Cut as long story short, I met my husband at the place where I worked and I noticed his manners were very different from most people. He would lower his gaze when he spoke to me and I was very shocked at this. I used to work at a MMA (mixed martial arts) gym in which most of the members were men. I had to constantly engage in small talk, to encourage them to join the gym. I would ask him more about himself and he told me he was a Muslim. One day while watching the television at the gym, I saw a documentary on National Geographic about Hajj. My eyes lit up when I saw Makkah and al-Haram, so I asked my husband what this place was and what it was about, he told me it was a pilgrimage for the Muslims. However, since I was uninterested in religion, I just left it. I had no idea what Islam was and who Muslims were. I was so ignorant that I thought Muslims were affiliated with hindus and sikhs! My husband moved back to his home country and Allah began to open my heart to Islam! I researched more and more and my husband gave me his friend’s wife’s number so I could contact her and ask her more about Islam. I learnt about Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) and I was mesmerized and loved their story and who they were! I started reading a bit of the Qur’an and I started learning more and more about the rituals of Islam. Something about the religion just spoke to me and it just felt right. Nothing felt wrong or out of place. Allah opened my heart to take my shahadah on March of 2011 at my sister’s home with her mother. That day I truly felt the burden of oppression fall off my back and I cried as a newborn baby cries when they are first born. I felt a sense of calmness yet fear as I didn’t know what to expect on my new journey on the path to Allah. Alhamdulillah, Allah guided me to His beautiful deen and saved me from my own demise.


  1. Alhamdullilah that Allah guided you to Islam dear sister and JazakAllah Khair for sharing your beautiful and inspiring story. I can relate to it because, even though I grew up in a Muslim household, I never used to pray. I was so lost until I started praying and my life slowly started to turn around for the better. I still love makeup and pretty clothes, but now I know that there is a time and place for it...oh and I'm an only child too by the way hehe:)
    Much love from Ohio! <3

  2. Alhamdullilah that Allah guided you to Islam dear sister and JazakAllah Khair for sharing this post ;)


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