If you used to be a reader of my blog when I first converted, you may have been quite familiar on my stance with the hijab and niqab. I often shared my opinion which consisted of chasticizing, criticizing (without wisdom), and basically pointing fingers at these individuals who would sexualize and beautify the hijab/niqab. I look back at myself when I first converted, and I can't help but roll my eyes. Don't get me wrong, what I see online (when I do ocassionally make it onto social media), I still consider to be quite sad and disappointing but at the same time, I now have a little bit more sympathy and forebarance towards such sisters.
Why, you ask?
Well, since I moved back to Toronto, I decided to request a class at the masjid solely for converts. When I first moved back, as much as I love my city and the grand array of Muslim friendly things, I couldn't find much in terms of a converts' support group-especially at my local masjid. I reached out to all the converts I knew and I asked them for their opinion and what kind of things they wanted: a support group. Once the masjid agreed and the imam volunteered his precious time (may Allah bless him and reward him, ameen) to help us with our needs, the class came to fruition by the Permission of Allah.
Many of you know that I am no longer a full time niqabi since I moved back to Toronto. Although my views on the niqab have since changed, I still adopt modesty in the light of the Qur'an and Sunnah (insha'Allah). The way I dress is my choice, and for me, it just feels right to dress the way I do. My understanding of what Allah wants from me and what I think is considered modest is apparent through the way I dress. I keep in mind that I am living under the roof of my NON-Muslim parents and that I need to make my surroundings the most comfortable and accomodating for myself and my parents. That being said, I do not wear ALL BLACK around them nor do I wear what I wear to the masjid around them. I know what is expected of me as a Muslim woman and I know where my stance is on the topic of modesty.
Now, the reason I am stating my stance, is because I want you all to know that though I dress the way I do and have my strong opinions in regards to hijab and modesty, I have come to realize that many sisters are on different paths and journeys with their modesty. Some sisters do not wear hijab, only wear hijab in the masjid, wear makeup with their hijab, wear hijab with fitted clothing, wear makeup without hijab, and the list goes on. The years I have spent living here thus far, has introduced me to many sisters from all walks of life. Sisters who dress this way or that way or that way or this way; I have learned that all of them are on a journey. All of them are struggling. All of them want to be a better Muslim but their nafs are weakening them and they feel guilty every single day. They know what is expected of them but they are struggling. I know many sisters who are not ready to take that big leap but they have the kindest of hearts and they have been there for me more than those who call themselves a niqabi have. These sisters are human beings and they struggle to strive, just like us.
I felt the urge to discuss this because, the other day, on Instagram (one of the rare times I decided to go on there, lol) I saw one of the sisters, who I didn't know I was following, try to give naseeha about those who wear hijab/or don't who beautify themselves online. I remember I wrote a few long posts ranting and raving about this topic and I remember how much controvery it sparked. I get it now. I truly realized that the way I approached this topic, was by far not the wisest nor the most effective. Pointing out their faults yet failing to be sympathetic and trying to understand where they were coming from, was something I couldn't do. I just couldn't, because I didn't know how.
Living here and going through hardships have allowed me to realize that we are all humans.
The struggle to wear hijab or the struggle to stop beautifying oneself for everyone to see isn't something that you can turn on or off like a light switch. There is something deeper within that these sisters need to explore, and that is the self. One needs to explore themselves and figure out who they truly are and who they mean to themselves before they can get to know Allah and love Him. Self-love starts within and a lot of sisters need to find that for themselves. They need to figure it out on their own. It is their journey, not yours. Yes, we want for our sisters what we want for ourselves, and just because you are where you want to be, doesn't mean others are there yet. It takes time, patience and non-judgemental advice and support. Do you think your advice of "i don't understand why some sisters need to do this or that..." or " sisters, why are you doing this and that???" ...will really be effective?? Those who give these kinds of advice are those exact ones who live in their "perfect" little Muslim country bubble and who have never experienced what it feels like to struggle in a non-Islamic environment.
Come on! Honestly, whenever I see these kinds of sisters who try to give their 2 cents, I really wish they could for one week just step outside their bubble and live in a totally non-Islamic environment where it is a struggle to integrate with a non-Muslim country and not lose their Muslim identity. I mean, one doesn't even have to be living in a Muslim country for one to have common sense on how to treat others who are struggling with the deen...It just takes some compassion and empathy and to put oneself in the others' shoes to know where one is coming from.
To be fair, many born Muslims in Toronto judge converts and approach them in the most incorrect way. Many born Muslims and even these over-jealous converts who live in non-Muslim countries are beyond judgemental and this needs to stop. If you think you are so perfect and can call others to Allah this way, then you really need to revisit your the Qur'an and Sunnah and find another teacher. A message to all, please be aware and be careful how you give advice to others lest you make matters worse and turn them even further away from Allah. What's worse, you will be tested with the same things you are criticizing others about.
May Allah protect us from going astray and give us wisdom in all aspects of life and use it for good, Ameen.
Why, you ask?
Well, since I moved back to Toronto, I decided to request a class at the masjid solely for converts. When I first moved back, as much as I love my city and the grand array of Muslim friendly things, I couldn't find much in terms of a converts' support group-especially at my local masjid. I reached out to all the converts I knew and I asked them for their opinion and what kind of things they wanted: a support group. Once the masjid agreed and the imam volunteered his precious time (may Allah bless him and reward him, ameen) to help us with our needs, the class came to fruition by the Permission of Allah.
Many of you know that I am no longer a full time niqabi since I moved back to Toronto. Although my views on the niqab have since changed, I still adopt modesty in the light of the Qur'an and Sunnah (insha'Allah). The way I dress is my choice, and for me, it just feels right to dress the way I do. My understanding of what Allah wants from me and what I think is considered modest is apparent through the way I dress. I keep in mind that I am living under the roof of my NON-Muslim parents and that I need to make my surroundings the most comfortable and accomodating for myself and my parents. That being said, I do not wear ALL BLACK around them nor do I wear what I wear to the masjid around them. I know what is expected of me as a Muslim woman and I know where my stance is on the topic of modesty.
Now, the reason I am stating my stance, is because I want you all to know that though I dress the way I do and have my strong opinions in regards to hijab and modesty, I have come to realize that many sisters are on different paths and journeys with their modesty. Some sisters do not wear hijab, only wear hijab in the masjid, wear makeup with their hijab, wear hijab with fitted clothing, wear makeup without hijab, and the list goes on. The years I have spent living here thus far, has introduced me to many sisters from all walks of life. Sisters who dress this way or that way or that way or this way; I have learned that all of them are on a journey. All of them are struggling. All of them want to be a better Muslim but their nafs are weakening them and they feel guilty every single day. They know what is expected of them but they are struggling. I know many sisters who are not ready to take that big leap but they have the kindest of hearts and they have been there for me more than those who call themselves a niqabi have. These sisters are human beings and they struggle to strive, just like us.
I felt the urge to discuss this because, the other day, on Instagram (one of the rare times I decided to go on there, lol) I saw one of the sisters, who I didn't know I was following, try to give naseeha about those who wear hijab/or don't who beautify themselves online. I remember I wrote a few long posts ranting and raving about this topic and I remember how much controvery it sparked. I get it now. I truly realized that the way I approached this topic, was by far not the wisest nor the most effective. Pointing out their faults yet failing to be sympathetic and trying to understand where they were coming from, was something I couldn't do. I just couldn't, because I didn't know how.
Living here and going through hardships have allowed me to realize that we are all humans.
The struggle to wear hijab or the struggle to stop beautifying oneself for everyone to see isn't something that you can turn on or off like a light switch. There is something deeper within that these sisters need to explore, and that is the self. One needs to explore themselves and figure out who they truly are and who they mean to themselves before they can get to know Allah and love Him. Self-love starts within and a lot of sisters need to find that for themselves. They need to figure it out on their own. It is their journey, not yours. Yes, we want for our sisters what we want for ourselves, and just because you are where you want to be, doesn't mean others are there yet. It takes time, patience and non-judgemental advice and support. Do you think your advice of "i don't understand why some sisters need to do this or that..." or " sisters, why are you doing this and that???" ...will really be effective?? Those who give these kinds of advice are those exact ones who live in their "perfect" little Muslim country bubble and who have never experienced what it feels like to struggle in a non-Islamic environment.
Come on! Honestly, whenever I see these kinds of sisters who try to give their 2 cents, I really wish they could for one week just step outside their bubble and live in a totally non-Islamic environment where it is a struggle to integrate with a non-Muslim country and not lose their Muslim identity. I mean, one doesn't even have to be living in a Muslim country for one to have common sense on how to treat others who are struggling with the deen...It just takes some compassion and empathy and to put oneself in the others' shoes to know where one is coming from.
To be fair, many born Muslims in Toronto judge converts and approach them in the most incorrect way. Many born Muslims and even these over-jealous converts who live in non-Muslim countries are beyond judgemental and this needs to stop. If you think you are so perfect and can call others to Allah this way, then you really need to revisit your the Qur'an and Sunnah and find another teacher. A message to all, please be aware and be careful how you give advice to others lest you make matters worse and turn them even further away from Allah. What's worse, you will be tested with the same things you are criticizing others about.
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:
Verily, a person performs deeds for a long time like the deeds of the people of Paradise. Then his deeds are terminated like the deeds of the people of Hell and, verily, a person performs deeds like the denizens of Fire for a long time, and then this deed of his is ultimately followed by the deeds of the people of Paradise. ( Sahih Muslim 2651 , book 46, hadith 18 , book 33, hadith 6407)
Mu'adh bin Jabal (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (ï·º) said:
“If anyone disgraces his brother for a sin, he will not die before committing it himself.” Related At-Tirmidhi who graded it to be Hasan. ( Book 16, Hadith 1558)
