Etiquettes on Manners
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Prophet (ï·º) said, "It is also charity to utter a good word."
[Al- Bukhari and Muslim].
A beautiful reminder (first and foremost to myself) about having good manners and speech towards our Muslim sisters in Islam.( assume 'sallalahu aleyhi wasselam and radiallahu anhu where applicable)
The Importance of
Manners
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #271, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban.
...Abu Darda' reported that the Prophet of
Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds
than one's good manners."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #286
and Ahmad
Abu Huraira, r.a., said, "I heard Abu al Qasim
(the Prophet saaws), say, 'The best among you in Islam are those with the
best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.' "
Hadith - At-Tabaraanee collected it,
and Albani authenticated it in Silsilatul-AHaadeethis-Saheehah
(#432).
The Prophet (saaws) said: "The most beloved
of Allah's servants to Allah are those with the best manners."
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, and
Tirmidhi
... 'Abd Allah ibn 'Amr said, "The Prophet
of Allah, upon him be peace, was never obscene or coarse. Rather, he used
to tell us that the best among us were those with the best manners."
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim and
Ahmad
... Anas said, "I served the Prophet of Allah,
upon him be peace, for ten years. During that time, he never once said to
me as much as 'Oof' if I did something wrong. He never asked me, if I had
failed to do something, 'Why did you not do it?,' and he never said to me,
if I had done something wrong, 'Why did you do it?' "
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #
285, Hakim, and Abu Dawud
... Abu Huraira, r.a., said that the Prophet
of Allah, saaws, said, "If one has good manners, one may attain the same
level of merit as those who spend their nights in prayer."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #
290, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Ahmad
... Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet
of Allah (saaws) said, "And what is most likely to send people to Paradise?
Being conscious of Allah and good manners."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #
296, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Darimi, Abu 'Awanah, Hakim, and Ibn
Hibban.
... Nawas ibn Sam'an reported that the Prophet
of Allah, saaws, was asked about doing good and evil. He replied, "Doing
good is having good manners. Doing evil is what troubles you inside and what
you would not like others to know about."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #360,
Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, and Hakim
The Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "He who
does not show mercy to our young or show esteem for our elders is not one
of us."
The sin of finding faults
in others
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #313, Ahmad, Ibn Hibban, and Hakim
... 'Abd Allah reported that the Prophet of
Allah, upon him be peace, said, "A believer is not a fault-finder
and is not abusive, obscene, or course."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners
#329
... Ibn 'Abbas said, "If you wish to mention
the faults of your friend, mention your own faults first."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners
#330
... Ibn 'Abbas said on the following verse
of the Qur'an, "Nor defame one another" (49:11), "Do not spend your time
finding fault with one another."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners
#545
Jubayr ibn Nufayr reported that Mu'adh ibn
Jabal said, "If you love someone, do not quarrel with him and do not annoy
him. Do not ask others about him, for the one you ask might be his enemy
and thus tell you things about him that are not true and thus break you
apart."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #889
and Ibn Hibban
'Amr ibn al 'As said, "...I am amazed at one
who spots an impurity in the eye of another but is unable to detect it in
his/her own eye, or who attempts to remove a grudge from another's heart
while making no attempt to remove grduges from his/her own heart. I have
never blamed anyone for the confidences of mine that they have betrayed.
How could I, when already they have given me reason for pause?"
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1295
Bilal ibn Sa'd al Ash'ari reported that Mu'awiyah
wrote to Abu Darda' "Write to the wrongdoers of Damascus." So he asked, "What
do I have to do with the wrongdoers of Damascus? How will I know them?" Abu
Darda's son, Bilal said, "I will write to them," which he did. Then Abu Darda'
said [to Bilal], "How did you know to whom to write? You could not have known
they were wrongdoers unless you were one of them. Begin with yourself!" So
he did not address the letter in anyone's name.*
*i.e. he didn't single out a
specific person as a wrongdoer, but spoke about wrongdoings in general, to
come as a reminder (of Quran and Sunnah) to the people.
Group
Conversations
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, and Ibn Majah
'Abd Allah ibn Mas'ud reported that the Prophet
of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "If they are three, two of them should
not carry on a conversation from which the third is excluded, for surely
that will be distressing to him."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners, Abu
Dawud. Ibn Hibban classified the hadith as authentic.
Ibn 'Umar reported the same from the Prophet,
upon him be peace. Except that in the end, he added, "We asked, 'If they
are four?' He, upon him be peace, said, 'Then there is no harm.' "
Beware of
Suspicion
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban
Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet
of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Be careful of suspicion, for it is the
most mistaken of all speech. Do not spy on others, compete* among yourselves,
envy one another, or despise one another. Rather, be servants of Allah and
brothers!"
*There is nothing wrong
with healthy competition, particularly in doing good deeds. This hadith refers
to competion that destroys team play and equality, etc.)
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners
#1294
'Abd Allah said, "Sometimes a victim of robbery
will become so suspicious [of everyone around him] that he will become worse
than the thief."*
*In other words, his suspicions will lead him to doubt
everyone until he has destroyed every one of his relationships.
It is permissible to call over a person and
inform them of the facts, so that they will not be suspicious, as we see
in the following hadith (narration).
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1293, Muslim
and Abu Dawud
Anas reported that a man passed by while the
Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was with one of his wives. The Prophet
called the man and said, 'O So and so. This is my wife, so and so." The man
replied, What I might have thought about another, I would never think about
you." The Prophet, upon him be peace, said, "Shaytan [satan] will circulate
through a person just like blood circulates [through one's veins]."
Have a sense of
shame/shyness
(not being shy from doing good, but shyness from doing wrong)
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, Ibn Hibban, and Ahmad
Abu Mus'ud reported that the Prophet of Allah,
saaws, said, "Among the well-known wisdom of the prophets is the saying,
'If you have no shame, then do as you please.' "
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Nasa'i,
Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and Tabarani
Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet,
saaws, said, "... Having a sense of shame is one branch of faith."
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim and Ibn
Majah
'Abd Allah ibn Abi 'Atabah said that he heard
Abu Sa'id say, "The Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was shyer than a
virgin in her shift. Whenever he disliked something, we could see it on his
face."
The sin of
Pride
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #550
Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet
of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Whoever eats with his servant, or rides
a donkey in the marketplace, or who ties up his goat and milks it will no
be guilty of the sin of pride.
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #556,
Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi
Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that a handsome
man went to the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, and said, "I love beauty,
and I have been given what you see, even to the extent of my hating to be
bested. Is that pride?" The Prophet replied, "No. Rather, pride is to disdain
the truth and to treat others with contempt."
The sin of flattering
or praising a person
(Flattering or praising is not just to say something kind about a person. Praising is to glorify especially by the attribution of perfections. Flattering is to praise excessively especially from motives of self-interest.)
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud,
Tirmidhi, Ahmad, Abu 'Awanah, and Ibn Hibban.
Abu Bakr reported that a man was mentioned
in the presence of the Prophet, saaws, and another praised the man. The Prophet,
saaws, said, "Woe to you, for you have broken your friend's neck!" The Prophet
saaws repeated this several times and then said, "If any of you simply must
praise another, let him/her say, 'I think the person is this way or that...'
if you genuinely think the person to be that way. The Final Reckoner is Allah,
and no one can tell Allah anything about anyone."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #337,
Bayhaqi, and similar version by Ibn Majah.
Aslam reported that he heard 'Umar say, "Praise
is slaughter." One of the narrators added, "That is, if you accept it."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #338,
Nasa'i, Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban, and Hakim
Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet
of Allah, saaws, said, "What a fine man Abu Bakr is. What a fine man 'Umar
is. What a fine man Abu 'Ubaydah is. What a fine man Usayd ibn Hudayr is.
What a fine man Thabit ibn Hudayr is. What a fine man Mu'adh ibn 'Amr ibn
al Jumuh is. What a fine man Mu'adh ibn Jabal is." He said, "What a foul
man so and so is. What a foul man is so and so."
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari and
Muslim
'A'ishah reported that a man requested an audience
with the Prophet, saaws. The Prophet said, "What a foul tribesman that one
is." But when the man entered, the Prophet was cordial and pleasant to him.
When the man left, another asked permission to meet with him. The Prophet
said, "What a good tribesman that one is." But when he entered, the Prophet
was not nearly as cordial with him as he had been with the first. When he
left, 'A'ishah asked, "You said what you did about the first man, yet you
met him cordially. And you said what you did about the second one, and yet
you were reserved with him." The Prophet said, "O 'A'ishah, the worst kind
of people are those whose vulgarity must be avoided."
Hadith Bukhari's Book of Manners #340,
Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Abu 'Awanah.
"The Prophet of Allah, (sallalahu aleyhi wasselam) ordered us to
throw dust in the faces of those who flatter."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #341
and Ibn Hibban
'Ata ibn Abi Rabah reported that when a man
praised another in the presence of Ibn 'Umar, Ibn 'Umar began tossing dust
in the direction of his face, saying, "The Prophet of Allah, saaws, said,
'If ever you encounter those who flatter, throw dust in their faces.' "
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #762
and Bayhaqi
'Adi ibn Artah said, "If ever one of the Companions
of the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was praised, he would say, 'O
Allah, do not take me to task for what they say and forgive me for what
they do not know about."
Regarding Fraud and
Deceit
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #420, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Hakim, and Tahawi
Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet
of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "A believer is frank and decent, whereas
a wrongdoer is deceitful and blameworthy."
Praying for Good
Manners
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #308 and Bayhaqi
... 'Abd Allah ibn 'Amr reported that the Prophet
of Allah, upon him be peace, used very often to pray in the following manner,
"O Allah! I ask You for good health, for trust, for self-control, for good
manners, and to be satisfied with the divine decree."
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