(note this post was prewritten in the past and posted recently)

I remember that night I arrived back into Toronto. All my emotions were on overdrive. I felt overly sad, overly anxious, overly excited, and overly confused. I didn't understand why everything turned out this way. I had pictured a totally different outcome and I thought that Ramadan 2015, my duaas would have been answered.

I had been living in Kentucky for nearly 5 years and as Allah had planned it, I came back to Toronto, alone. I won't go into detail as to why I came back alone because if you are a regular reader of my blog, you all know that I hate talking about my private life AND leave that which does not concern you - right? thx.

I guess you could say I was dreading that long-awaited day where I would be packing up all my things and closing that chapter in my life. I have always welcomed change in my life but I wasn't too sure if I was ready for this chapter ending and having a new one start right before my eyes. A sense of fear, loneliness, uncertainty, and despair had hit me all at once. But I was counting down the days when I would be moving back to Toronto?! Wasn't I? 

It wasn't what I had imagined it to be.
Drowning in my own tears masked by a weakened smile, I took a deep breath and dove right in.

Life back here has not been an easy one. Going from four long years of living in USA without any non-Muslim interference to diving right in a non-Muslim household was challenging. I had to adjust and I had to adjust fast. It took around six months to actually feel OK with my not-so-new surroundings. The first year was 'hell' (may Allah protect me and all of us from actually hellfire ameen!) I can't even begin to describe the feelings I went through. Of course, I look back and I say Alhamdulillah, it truly felt like a cleansing process. I truly felt like a piece of metal being heated to degrees that I couldn't bear, but I bore it and I bore it some more.

When I look back at my life in Kentucky, I can't even believe how I managed to get through those last few years. I suffered from anxiety attacks, fear of leaving my home because I was afraid I would get shot (audhubillah), dealing with the most annoying (again, this is subjective) individuals I have ever met, no Islamic inspirations or real Muslim community around me, and while everyone's life around me always seemed to keep moving- mine always felt like it was at a standstill. Alhamdulillah 

When I moved back to Toronto certain things got better alhamdulillah and many things got worse. I was faced with a whole new load of hardships that I never thought I could possibly get through. Time and time again my emaan was being tested. How I lasted, I do not even know. All I know is that I continue to ask Allah for ease and relief and to never test me with anything beyond what I have been going through. Ameen!

One thing I learned from this is that I really should not be complaining about ANYTHING! Because honestly, Allah could just test me with something worse than what I am going through (May Allah protect me from that ameen) and then I will come to realize, 'wow the first hardship was nothing compared to this!' "And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' " Though the tafsir for this verse is referring to Musa (aleyhi salam) and his people, this verse really reminds me of the seriousness of being ungrateful! How often do we find ourselves complaining about something only to be tested with something worse? Then we realise that the test we faced in the beginning was nothing compared to the other things we end up having to go through!

When I think about all the things that have happened to me thus far since 2014, I am in awe as to how I overcame them. There were many moments of weakness where I felt I could go on no longer and there were times I questioned myself and my decision to be a Muslim. I know now these are only thoughts from shaytan the accursed (May Allah always keep us steadfast and firm upon His beautiful deen ameen!) My constant pleading and crying to Allah was the only thing that got me through all these painful trials. Many piercings to the heart with hardships I never asked for has taught me so much about myself and who I am as a Muslim woman. Even if my faith was rocky and feeling unstable, I would ask myself "but who else could help me except Allah?" and I would remember even before I found Allah and Islam, even during my darkest hours, I would cry out to Him alone! Because let's face it, no friend, no boyfriend, no spouse or parent can take away the deafening pains we feel in our hearts- especially if they are the ones who caused them! Allah is the only one who remains forever there to hear our cries and our sorrows. 

What a struggle it has been. What a journey thus far I have traveled. When I look back at how far I have come, I can't even imagine how I made it through. Even though my situation has not changed, I feel a sense of self-growth that I never experienced before. Perhaps this is what Allah has been trying to teach me all along? To grow as a Muslim, alone. all.by.myself. 
No external help. Just me and Allah. 

Constant tears, constant feelings of helplessness and finally I have surfaced. I still continue to struggle with many things but I feel like Allah has given me this chance to open my eyes to what is inside me and not around me. I somehow landed upon this reminder, "The heart does not cease being put to trial until the slave makes all his religion for Allah." (Ibn Taymiyyah - Al Fataawaa: 10/545)
This reminder is so beneficial for me in many ways. For me, it teaches me that until I leave all my fears, tears, worries, cries, and pleads for Allah alone, that is the only time when I will feel that ease and relief that Allah has promised.

I still continue on with this journey. So many things to learn and understand. Discovering who I am as a person and as a Muslim. I learned about my likes and dislikes, I discovered things I excel at and things I have no interest in. I learned how to say NO and I learned how to deal with annoying people. I learned that through being thankful and grateful, comes patience. My hardships are my own and nobody understands them but me. At the beginning, I felt lost and confused. I often questioned and wondered when will my relief come O' Allah?! I still have a long way to go. I have my moments where I feel helpless and hopeless. But then I remember again and again "the heart does not cease being put to trial until the slave makes all his religion for Allah." and so I try to move forward and remember that this dunya life is only a test. A test of fear, pain, hunger, and loss. So I write and I write until I discover more clarity within and find that sense of relief.

Though things remain the same since I moved back here three years ago, I have changed.
Though my situation remains at a standstill, I move forward and that is my choice.
And so, through the hardships, I find myself.

If you used to be a reader of my blog when I first converted, you may have been quite familiar on my stance with the hijab and niqab. I often shared my opinion which consisted of chasticizing, criticizing (without wisdom), and basically pointing fingers at these individuals who would sexualize and beautify the hijab/niqab. I look back at myself when I first converted, and I can't help but roll my eyes. Don't get me wrong, what I see online (when I do ocassionally make it onto social media), I still consider to be quite sad and disappointing but at the same time, I now have a little bit more sympathy and forebarance towards such sisters.

Why, you ask?

Well, since I moved back to Toronto, I decided to request a class at the masjid solely for converts. When I first moved back, as much as I love my city and the grand array of Muslim friendly things, I couldn't find much in terms of a converts' support group-especially at my local masjid. I reached out to all the converts I knew and I asked them for their opinion and what kind of things they wanted: a support group. Once the masjid agreed and the imam volunteered his precious time (may Allah bless him and reward him, ameen) to help us with our needs, the class came to fruition by the Permission of Allah.

Many of you know that I am no longer a full time niqabi since I moved back to Toronto. Although my views on the niqab have since changed, I still adopt modesty in the light of the Qur'an and Sunnah (insha'Allah). The way I dress is my choice, and for me, it just feels right to dress the way I do. My understanding of what Allah wants from me and what I think is considered modest is apparent through the way I dress. I keep in mind that I am living under the roof of my NON-Muslim parents and that I need to make my surroundings the most comfortable and accomodating for myself and my parents. That being said, I do not wear ALL BLACK around them nor do I wear what I wear to the masjid around them. I know what is expected of me as a Muslim woman and I know where my stance is on the topic of modesty.

Now, the reason I am stating my stance, is because I want you all to know that though I dress the way I do and have my strong opinions in regards to hijab and modesty, I have come to realize that many sisters are on different paths and journeys with their modesty. Some sisters do not wear hijab, only wear hijab in the masjid, wear makeup with their hijab, wear hijab with fitted clothing, wear makeup without hijab, and the list goes on. The years I have spent living here thus far, has introduced me to many sisters from all walks of life. Sisters who dress this way or that way or that way or this way; I have learned that all of them are on a journey. All of them are struggling. All of them want to be a better Muslim but their nafs are weakening them and they feel guilty every single day. They know what is expected of them but they are struggling. I know many sisters who are not ready to take that big leap but they have the kindest of hearts and they have been there for me more than those who call themselves a niqabi have. These sisters are human beings and they struggle to strive, just like us.

I felt the urge to discuss this because, the other day, on Instagram (one of the rare times I decided to go on there, lol) I saw one of the sisters, who I didn't know I was following, try to give naseeha about those who wear hijab/or don't who beautify themselves online. I remember I wrote a few long posts ranting and raving about this topic and I remember how much controvery it sparked. I get it now. I truly realized that the way I approached this topic, was by far not the wisest nor the most effective. Pointing out their faults yet failing to be sympathetic and trying to understand where they were coming from, was something I couldn't do. I just couldn't, because I didn't know how.

Living here and going through hardships have allowed me to realize that we are all humans.


The struggle to wear hijab or the struggle to stop beautifying oneself for everyone to see isn't something that you can turn on or off like a light switch. There is something deeper within that these sisters need to explore, and that is the self. One needs to explore themselves and figure out who they truly are and who they mean to themselves before they can get to know Allah and love Him. Self-love starts within and a lot of sisters need to find that for themselves. They need to figure it out on their own. It is their journey, not yours. Yes, we want for our sisters what we want for ourselves, and just because you are where you want to be, doesn't mean others are there yet. It takes time, patience and non-judgemental advice and support. Do you think your advice of "i don't understand why some sisters need to do this or that..." or " sisters, why are you doing this and that???" ...will really be effective?? Those who give these kinds of advice are those exact ones who live in their "perfect" little Muslim country bubble and who have never experienced what it feels like to struggle in a non-Islamic environment.

Come on! Honestly, whenever I see these kinds of sisters who try to give their 2 cents, I really wish they could for one week just step outside their bubble and live in a totally non-Islamic environment where it is a struggle to integrate with a non-Muslim country and not lose their Muslim identity. I mean, one doesn't even have to be living in a Muslim country for one to have common sense on how to treat others who are struggling with the deen...It just takes some compassion and empathy and to put oneself in the others' shoes to know where one is coming from.
To be fair, many born Muslims in Toronto judge converts and approach them in the most incorrect way. Many born Muslims and even these over-jealous converts who live in non-Muslim countries are beyond judgemental and this needs to stop. If you think you are so perfect and can call others to Allah this way, then you really need to revisit your the Qur'an and Sunnah and find another teacher. A message to all, please be aware and be careful how you give advice to others lest you make matters worse and turn them even further away from Allah. What's worse, you will be tested with the same things you are criticizing others about.
May Allah protect us from going astray and give us wisdom in all aspects of life and use it for good, Ameen.    

Have you ever met those types of people who just seem to smother your open wounds with a whole tablespoon of salt? I have! I have met many.

Either these people just don't get it or they lack common sense - which by the way, in 2019, is not so common anymore. Sometimes I marvel at the types of personalities out there. Of course, I am fully flawed myself and I have some serious personality issues; but alhamdulillah, I admit them completely and I know my many shortcomings and I always ask Allah to not make me out to be what I hate! Aameen!

It's just that, some people are really clueless, you know?
Maybe I am one of them?! Who knows!
Maybe this is a post directed to me!
I mean, I never write with the intention of just addressing the general public without me having to reflect on my own self first, so insha'Allah this will be a good reminder to myself, first and foremost.

I mean, judging only by the apparent, I feel like these people have not had a lot of experience dealing with humans or life in general. I almost feel like these people can be categorized into the narcissist (audhbillah ) category! They lack empathy, they only talk about themselves, they fail to listen, they nearly shove in your face things you really don't want to hear about (their marriage, their husband, their children, etc..), they think their advice is golden when in reality it probably would have been better if they never spoke in the first place. There are some who are far from falling into the narcissistic category but are just plain negative. Being around these types of people are draining, to say the least. Sometimes we feel obligated to be around these people, or at least I thought I was, but then I realized, why should I sacrifice my own wellbeing to be around people who do nothing but sabotage my state of mind/wellbeing?

I know many of us want to be that supportive sister when one of our friends cry out for help. We try our best to offer beneficial advice and solutions that may help them feel a sense of solace and comfort. I understand that and I know the intentions are from a pure place (insha'Allah) but have we ever thought to ourselves, everyone is different thus the advice we offer may not always hit home for the other person? I remember when I first converted to Islam and I was beyond overzealous with my new faith. The advice I gave others was not always ideal nor was it the solution to their problems. In fact, some of my solutions, at that time, could have been more detrimental than beneficial. May Allah forgive me for my ignorance ameen.

But sometimes our advice can add salt to their wounds.
Sometimes our careless anecdotes can add salt to their wounds.
Sometimes our actions can add salt to their wounds.

I think it is extremely important to be aware of our words when we are with certain types of people. Remember, not everybody is like you. Just because you handle things one way, doesn't mean the other person wants to handle it your way.

Just because you experienced something and went about it a certain way, does not mean that the other person will react positively to your methods or your words. I remember I met a few sisters who had gone through some hardships and as a result, it had really scarred them. Thus leaving them with a lesser-than-tainted outlook on life and as a result, when I was in their company, I felt negative and sad about myself and about my situation. I have nothing against these types of sisters and I ask Allah to relieve them from their hardships and give them comfort within, Ameen; but if I am already struggling and going through some tests myself, I don't need to be around anymore Debbie-downers, right? 

I need to be around people who are encouraging and who will remind me that Allah will respond to my duaas. I need someone to remind me about Ayyub (aleyhi salam) or Yusuf (aleyhi salam) and Ya'qub (aleyhi salam)! I need someone to remind me that they went through hardship after hardship after hardship and to the point of utter exhaustion yet they still persevered and prevailed because they believed in Allah and kept making duaa. I need someone to say " You're doing great and I know that everything will work out for you soon insha'Allah, because why would it not? Allah's promise is always true!" instead of them relaying their whole life's experience and making the whole conversation based around them and their own experience. Sometimes, people don't want to hear about your experience because, well, everyone's experience is conducive to themselves and not many people can really relate to you - duh. 

Sometimes, we need to make it about them, and not about us. 

When someone is going through hardships, offering them generic advice like "don't worry, it will get better insha'Allah," or " have patience," or "it is what it is, at least you have this and that and you are this and that" can only reach less than skin deep. YES, these are great and they are the obvious things that we should say but we need to figure out how to help their wounds, not add salt to them. 

Nu’man b. Bashir reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The similitude of believers in regard to mutual love, affection, fellow-feeling is that of one body; when any limb of it aches, the whole body aches, because of sleeplessness and fever. Book 032, Number 6258: (Sahih Muslim)

Being empathetic and sympathetic is the medicine to their open wounds. Feeling their pain as if it were your own and offering sincere advice that comes from within your soul is something that will help others. When you feel what they feel, that is when you will help their wounds heal rather than making them worse. 

I decided to write this post because it was not until recently when I went through my own hardships and realized some of the advice some sisters would give me would often leave me feeling worse off than if I hadn't spoken to them in the first place. They put more salt on my wounds. That is why I am a very private person. A lot of people can actually make you feel worse rather than better and that is why I am so selective with friends and with who I go to for advice. Thus, I want to write this post and address how important it is to be sensitive and empathetic to the one who comes to us for advice. It was not until I realized how I didn't want to be treated that I realized how I should treat others. When people come to you for advice, they want comfort and affirmation that everything WILL BE OK. They are not coming to you so you can disregard their feelings and make them feel worse. If you help them, Allah will help you. Isn't that convincing enough?



When we offer advice to others, it should be about them and not us. 
#MicDROP

I used to be so nosey and wanted to know everything. I admit, I still am a bit on the nosey side but Islam has taught me the importance of manners. Leave that which does not concern you (tirmidhi).

Since I have moved back to Toronto, I realised that I have become way more private than I was when I was living in USA. I realised that there is no need for anybody to know what goes on in my private life. If I want you to know, I will tell you. If I don't want you to know, don't ask me. Plain and simple.

How many times have we meddled into people's businesses when they feel like they are obligated to tell you because they do not know how to say "NO"?

Perhaps I used to pry into people's lives but for me, I truly wanted to give them advice and help them. I mean, that could be other people's intentions too when they are asking me about my personal life and affairs but because I realised how much I did not want to talk about my own issues, I figured others might feel the same. Unless they come to me on their own free will and want to seek advice or they just want someone to listen to them, I have realised that it is not my place to meddle in their business.

There are some individuals that do not mind sharing their life story with you - even if it is the first time or last time you meet. Some people just don't have a problem with trusting everyone and they feel comfortable enough with themselves that they can talk to anyone and everyone about anything and everything. Good for you! But I'm with the other half of the population.

I am writing about this because I realised how much I hate when people ask me about my personal life. Even my close friends do not ask me about my situation or things in my private life. They know that if I wanted to talk to them about it, I will talk about it. I hate when random people I am not close with feel entitled to "check up on me" and pry into my business. It almost seems like "hey, I haven't been around for your struggles and hardships, but let me just pop in and say hello and ask you what's new?" - like, BYE.  I mean sure, they are coming from a good place, and sure I give it to them that they are busy with their own lives, but hey, just so you know, I am not that type of person who is a free for all- meaning, if you haven't been there for my downs, don't expect to be there for my ups.

Do you all get me ? Am I the only one who is like this? Maybe I am just overly sensitive. lol.

But honestly, I know I am not the only one. I know there are many people out there who feel just as annoyed as I do when people try to nosey their way into my business. People need to understand that if you ask someone a question and they are very vague about it, maybe it is because they don't feel comfortable talking about it or they don't want others knowing about their personal life! After you ask once and then twice and they still try to deflect your question - take .it .as. a. hint ! They don't want to talk about it. Leave that which does not concern you! 

Subhana'Allah, before Islam I remember I was always so nosey and I would force people to tell me what was wrong and I wanted to hear their problems ( even if it came from a good place) but then when I became Muslim, I would continue this habit. I think the reason I stopped was that I realised how much I just did NOT want anyone to ask about my personal life.

I didn't mind so much when people I kept in close contact with during my life in the US would "check-in" on me from time to time but for some reason, since I moved back to Canada, I just did NOT want people asking me about my life's story. I understand that random people who I meet for the first time would naturally want to know more about me. It is normal to ask someone if they are married, and if they have children but when someone asks me these questions it just opens up a whole can of worms that I do NOT want to open and I have to go into explain my whole life's story and my situation and at this point in my life I am so fed up with my situation that it is the last thing I really want to be talking about - like, let's be honest lol.

So yeah, this is me and this is why I think that asking too many questions about someone's life is really not your business unless they make it your business. I am speaking out for those who feel the same way as I do but do not have the courage to speak up! I get you all. I know how you feel. I don't appreciate it either. I guess this can definitely relate back to my post about annoying people.

From an Islamic standpoint, it is obvious that it is not from Islam to pry and be nosey. Just because it is from your culture to meddle into other people's business, remember that at the end of the day we are Muslim first and foremost. We do what Allah has commanded and we leave out what is not ordained for us. That includes asking people about their lives. If they do not share it with you voluntarily, then take it as a hint. Sure, some people are naturally shy and don't really know how to hold a conversation properly but use our common sense and take any sort of body language or speech as a sign that they may not want to continue further with the topic of conversation!

Just because you may not mind other people asking you questions or wanting to know more about your personal life, does not mean that everybody is the same as you. Subhana'Allah, we are all really lacking empathy these days and from my own personal experience when I used to just imagine that just because I am like this, everybody else should be the same way, I can tell you that everybody else is DEFINITELY not like you! Take the hints, use your common sense, and ask yourself this whenever you are talking to someone - "how will my questions to others benefit them?" "will my questions to others benefit me and my deen?" "what is the purpose of me asking about their personal life?" "would I want someone to pry into my business ?"

I am a very sensitive person so yes, your questions that I don't want to answer will bother me. Take this post as advice from me and a for the rest of the shy, unspoken sisters out there as an understanding of where we are coming from. Sometimes, we just don't want to talk about it.
Hopefully, insha'Allah, this will help you get a better insight into dealing with others. Everybody is created differently and we all have different things going on in our lives. Some of us may want to share them, others of us may not. It is not up to you decide. We should think twice before we speak, and we should be sensitive to others around us and always remember, “Part of a person’s being a good Muslim is leaving alone that which does not concern him.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2318)

Just like annoying people, negative people are everywhere. They come in different shapes and sizes. They can be someone you meet for the first time or they may live under the same roof as you. Negative people are real and they are a little bit more advanced compared to annoying people. Negative people can leave serious damage to your wellbeing. They are extremely toxic and they can really play with your emotions. BUT, of course, only if you allow them to.

The thing with negative people is that they love company. The saying "misery loves company" holds true to these types of people. I decided to write about negative people because I realised just how big of an impact they can make in my life. To be fair, I can definitely understand the mindset of a negative person. When things don't go our way, or traumatic events keep happening and we keep getting tested with things that we hate, it is absolutely normal for a human being to become negative and fall into a self-pity party and everything else that comes along with it. I can definitely speak for myself on that one. I think when I was living in Kentucky and went through circumstance after circumstance, it took a heavy toll on me because I was not prepared. By that I mean, my brain could process what I needed to do during hardships, but my heart had no idea how to react and how to handle things. Thus I fell into a spiral of negativity and only now am I trying to find that light at the end of this dark tunnel.

A lot of the time, seeking knowledge and learning about the deen only reaches us at a surface level. It never becomes skin deep for many people. We learn about what is permissible and what is not. We learn about Allah's Punishments. We learn about HOW we should look as a Muslim. We learn about everything and anything. Of course, seeking knowledge and learning about the deen is essential in one's journey to becoming a better Muslimah. But often I feel like we forget that the journey is not just at an intellectual level. A lot of the times we just learn and that is it. We do not know how to react when things get rough or go wrong. We learn about tawakkul, shukr, and sabr but when we are faced with reality, we are lost. Getting to know about Allah and learning about the deen should not just stay in our brains. It needs to penetrate a little further than that. It needs to reach our hearts and our souls.
This was something I learned only as my sixth year as a Muslim. I never truly understood what tawakkul and sabr was until I dug a little deeper. I still am struggling to learn how to use these three things to help me get through the present and the pain.

So, I can definitely say that I understand where the negative person's perspective is coming from and why they are the way they are. However, we must remember that Islam is not meant to make us into miserable people. Allah does not want us to live in misery. We are supposed to attain happiness in this life as well- despite what a lot of Muslims think. I am still trying to find that balance and I realised that there are just some people in my life that can't stay in it because their negativity brings me nowhere but down. Just because someone has suffered a great deal in their life and they do not know how to deal with the aftermath of it, doesn't mean they need to drag me along with them on their journey of "finding thyself." Remember, you are not obligated to stick around. Being civil is obviously a given, but when you find negative people leaving scars instead of soft footprints in your heart then remain a fair distance.

People who make excuses for everything, who try to tell you that you can't do it (subconsciously or consciously), who try to tell you that your situation may never improve so you need to just 'deal with it', who do not encourage you in a positive manner, and who suck all your positive energy from you are people you need to be wary of. When you feel worse rather than better about yourself after spending time with these types of people, you know there is a problem. People should never bring you down and even if they do so unknowingly, you really don't need that in your life. I have had on several occasions had to deal with individuals who have made me feel what I mentioned in the above. At first, I thought it was me, but then I realised time and time again that it is just the way they are and it has nothing to do with me. So for the sake of my own wellbeing, I decided that I could no longer make room for negative souls in my life.

It has nothing to do with you being selfish, you are just taking care of your own wellbeing. Putting your own wellbeing first before anyone else's is the only way you can be a good Muslimah. A lot of mothers think that putting their children or family before their own wellbeing is what they are supposed to do. But when you look at these mothers, they are the ones who are truly suffering. They take out their frustration on their children and their spouses and in the end, the home becomes a war zone more than a peaceful retreat. So taking care of our own wellbeing is extremely important, and do not be afraid to put your mental sanity first before anyone else's. In order to be able to worship Allah properly, we need to be in a state where we are not distracted by the negativities of life. When we surround ourselves with positive people and work on our own selves, then we know that we will not settle for anything less.

Being negative is often times easier than being positive. Being positive take a lot of effort but it is not impossible. Some people think that being negative is just being "realistic." I think there is a fine line between being realistic vs. being negative. Being realistic is telling yourself that everything will be OK and hardships don't last forever. What goes down, must come up and the tunnel is never always dark. On the other hand, being negative is self-pitying everything that has happened to you and using that self-pity to live your life. Even though you think you are being "realistic" you actually are just dragging yourself and others down into a darker hole. Being "realistic" does not mean that you show no mercy to someone who is vulnerable and feeling hopeless. Being "realistic" doesn't mean that you can't say "everything will be ok insha'Allah, don't worry." Being "realistic" doesn't mean that you need to let others see life through your negative eyes. Being realistic means seeing the glass half full and not half empty. Being realistic means being positive but not overly positive.

Nobody will ever understand each other's deep struggles.
Negative people are they way they are for a reason. They choose to be that way. We all have a choice. We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves and bring people down with us, or we can choose to uplift ourselves and bring people up with us. It really is our choice in the end. Just as Allah has given us the choice to choose between right and wrong, truth and falsehood, happiness or sorrow; we have a choice. Nobody is ever forced to be the way they by external circumstances unless they allow themselves. There are countless inspirational stories where we see people with debilitating disabilities or individuals who have lost so many loved ones they can no longer count and yet these people are the very ones who inspire us and show us that happiness is possible. It takes practice, it takes a lot of trial and error, and it takes a lot of patience and duaa - but it is possible with the help and guidance of Allah.