My business it not yours.

I used to be so nosey and wanted to know everything. I admit, I still am a bit on the nosey side but Islam has taught me the importance of manners. Leave that which does not concern you (tirmidhi).

Since I have moved back to Toronto, I realised that I have become way more private than I was when I was living in USA. I realised that there is no need for anybody to know what goes on in my private life. If I want you to know, I will tell you. If I don't want you to know, don't ask me. Plain and simple.

How many times have we meddled into people's businesses when they feel like they are obligated to tell you because they do not know how to say "NO"?

Perhaps I used to pry into people's lives but for me, I truly wanted to give them advice and help them. I mean, that could be other people's intentions too when they are asking me about my personal life and affairs but because I realised how much I did not want to talk about my own issues, I figured others might feel the same. Unless they come to me on their own free will and want to seek advice or they just want someone to listen to them, I have realised that it is not my place to meddle in their business.

There are some individuals that do not mind sharing their life story with you - even if it is the first time or last time you meet. Some people just don't have a problem with trusting everyone and they feel comfortable enough with themselves that they can talk to anyone and everyone about anything and everything. Good for you! But I'm with the other half of the population.

I am writing about this because I realised how much I hate when people ask me about my personal life. Even my close friends do not ask me about my situation or things in my private life. They know that if I wanted to talk to them about it, I will talk about it. I hate when random people I am not close with feel entitled to "check up on me" and pry into my business. It almost seems like "hey, I haven't been around for your struggles and hardships, but let me just pop in and say hello and ask you what's new?" - like, BYE.  I mean sure, they are coming from a good place, and sure I give it to them that they are busy with their own lives, but hey, just so you know, I am not that type of person who is a free for all- meaning, if you haven't been there for my downs, don't expect to be there for my ups.

Do you all get me ? Am I the only one who is like this? Maybe I am just overly sensitive. lol.

But honestly, I know I am not the only one. I know there are many people out there who feel just as annoyed as I do when people try to nosey their way into my business. People need to understand that if you ask someone a question and they are very vague about it, maybe it is because they don't feel comfortable talking about it or they don't want others knowing about their personal life! After you ask once and then twice and they still try to deflect your question - take .it .as. a. hint ! They don't want to talk about it. Leave that which does not concern you! 

Subhana'Allah, before Islam I remember I was always so nosey and I would force people to tell me what was wrong and I wanted to hear their problems ( even if it came from a good place) but then when I became Muslim, I would continue this habit. I think the reason I stopped was that I realised how much I just did NOT want anyone to ask about my personal life.

I didn't mind so much when people I kept in close contact with during my life in the US would "check-in" on me from time to time but for some reason, since I moved back to Canada, I just did NOT want people asking me about my life's story. I understand that random people who I meet for the first time would naturally want to know more about me. It is normal to ask someone if they are married, and if they have children but when someone asks me these questions it just opens up a whole can of worms that I do NOT want to open and I have to go into explain my whole life's story and my situation and at this point in my life I am so fed up with my situation that it is the last thing I really want to be talking about - like, let's be honest lol.

So yeah, this is me and this is why I think that asking too many questions about someone's life is really not your business unless they make it your business. I am speaking out for those who feel the same way as I do but do not have the courage to speak up! I get you all. I know how you feel. I don't appreciate it either. I guess this can definitely relate back to my post about annoying people.

From an Islamic standpoint, it is obvious that it is not from Islam to pry and be nosey. Just because it is from your culture to meddle into other people's business, remember that at the end of the day we are Muslim first and foremost. We do what Allah has commanded and we leave out what is not ordained for us. That includes asking people about their lives. If they do not share it with you voluntarily, then take it as a hint. Sure, some people are naturally shy and don't really know how to hold a conversation properly but use our common sense and take any sort of body language or speech as a sign that they may not want to continue further with the topic of conversation!

Just because you may not mind other people asking you questions or wanting to know more about your personal life, does not mean that everybody is the same as you. Subhana'Allah, we are all really lacking empathy these days and from my own personal experience when I used to just imagine that just because I am like this, everybody else should be the same way, I can tell you that everybody else is DEFINITELY not like you! Take the hints, use your common sense, and ask yourself this whenever you are talking to someone - "how will my questions to others benefit them?" "will my questions to others benefit me and my deen?" "what is the purpose of me asking about their personal life?" "would I want someone to pry into my business ?"

I am a very sensitive person so yes, your questions that I don't want to answer will bother me. Take this post as advice from me and a for the rest of the shy, unspoken sisters out there as an understanding of where we are coming from. Sometimes, we just don't want to talk about it.
Hopefully, insha'Allah, this will help you get a better insight into dealing with others. Everybody is created differently and we all have different things going on in our lives. Some of us may want to share them, others of us may not. It is not up to you decide. We should think twice before we speak, and we should be sensitive to others around us and always remember, “Part of a person’s being a good Muslim is leaving alone that which does not concern him.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2318)