COVID-19 : Who am I these days?

Lately, I don't really know what to write.
I don't have much inspiration to write.
Things have changed quite a bit since a year ago and I'm trying to catch up with all of the changes.

The only thing I've learned lately is the things I totally dislike, lol.
Recently, I have learned many things and met many people who I absolutely just don't want to deal with.
I don't know why I've been so intolerant and antisocial lately.
The more people I meet, the less I want to deal with them. I thought I was easygoing, but at this point, I'm not even sure anymore, lol.

I feel like once I thought I had myself figured out, I'm suddenly faced with new challenges.
Well, I guess this is life; I have to keep reminding myself.

Just when things get quiet and I can take a quick breather, I am forced to suddenly rise and keep running to that finish line, whilst not even having caught my first breath!

This dunya is so tiring and I often find myself fighting to find that balance between the dunya and akhirah.
Lately, I'm finding myself more focused on the dunya rather than the akhirah.
It just sneaks up on you without you even realizing!

One minute you fear for what's to come regarding the akhirah and then the next minute you are worrying about financial stresses and not wanting to deal with family members who make your blood boil!

The Journey to Allah really is not an easy one.
There are so many distractions along the way and challenges that just stop you in your tracks and make you wonder what has become of me thus far???

I think the reason I haven't really written much lately or done any self-reflecting posts is that I don't even know what I am these days, lol.

I thought I had it figured out or at least part of me figured out, but the more I am faced with all these people and new situations which I never asked for, I find myself reacting instead of acting. Reacting in a way that isn't positive in the least. What happened to the things I've preached about good manners and good character?

I hate when people think I'm still the person I was when I first converted. Overzealous, 'religious', always have the answers and a good example.
A good example of what, though, lol.

Lately, I feel like I'm far from all of those things. Well, was I ever any of those things?
lol.
Overzealous, yah, maybe a bit too much.

Now, I'm just trying to get to that finish line and hope that my many sins and character flaws won't bring me down. I feel like they are slowing me down and also making me forget from time to time what my true purpose in this life truly is.

I guess, slowly, but surely is better, right?

Sigh, how crazy the dynamics of life is.
One minute you are this and the next minute you are that.

O Allah, our Lord! Give us that which is good in this life, that which is good in the Hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire.