The "friend" That Wasn't

Abu Musa reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, the believers are like a structure, each part strengthening the other,” and the Prophet clasped his fingers together.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 467, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2585


Bismillah!

Upon me starting this new podcast project, I am reminded about how much I hate social media yet how much I am thankful for it. As much as it is annoying, it really can be beneficial if you know how to use it properly. I've also found that these days, it really filters out and reveals the truth of the human being much quicker than say, ten plus years ago when I first started using social media. 

The power of duaa is a mighty, mighty thing which day in and day out I have been reminded to keep making. 
 
Recently, 

I've realized just how selfish some people truly are and while we have to make excuses for our sisters, there comes a time when you just need to realize their lack of effort isn't working for you and you need to move on. If someone really is valuable to you, there really is NO excuse to not keep the relationship going. There are sisters who are way busier and have way more priorities than others yet they still can find a quick minute to reach other and fulfil the duties of a Muslim.

Like, honestly, we live in the digital era where everything is practically done by texting anyway...how hard is it to just send a quick "Assalamualaikum" and check up on someone you consider as a "friend". 

I've noticed a lot of self-centred, oblivious behaviour from the youth are now flooding everywhere like never before deeming themselves to be self-entitled, it's all about me, it's all about my mental health, it's all about my privileges!

Yes, take care of your mental health, I definitely don't deny that. We all must. If taking care of your mental health means to cut people off, then ok, that's fine. But do it in a classy way. No need to get defensive, ghost people or make up some lousy excuses. 

Busy? 
Going through something? 
We all are!
That's life, life goes on and if we can't even be a friend or show up for someone during the busy days of our lives or the hard times in our lives, it really shows a lot about our characters and what type of person we are. 
We shouldn't have double standards and expect others to give when we can't even give back anything valuable, not even a simple "hey sis, how's it going, let's schedule a time to chat." 

I get it, some people go into hiding when things get tough, I did that myself for a while but you know what? Those that I gave the deserving title of "friend", I actually reached out to them still and showed them where they stood in my life. I showed up for them. 
Well, needless to say, those people are out of my life now because they can't show up for me or maybe they just don't want to and that's fine. 
People change and people grow...apart.
I've always believed truly in, actions speak louder than words, I don't care what excuses anybody ever tells you.
"Busy" is not an excuse especially when these very same people say they are busy yet they have time to post on Instagram and even take the time to write a caption! A caption! It takes more time to think of a caption to write under a picture than it does to just go and message a sister who you consider a "friend" and say hi! Subhana'Allah, lol.

Also, aside from those who "can't give you more than you need" there are those who get defensive when they are in the wrong and they are the ones who did something wrong yet they blame you! lol!
Sisters, if you wronged a sister or you did something wrong, own up to your mistake and just apologize! It doesn't take much to do that, a sincere apology. Remember you are a Muslim and you get rewarded from Allah for being humble and putting aside your ego and arrogance. 

Subhana'allah. I've noticed those who are a decade younger than us, their mentality and attitudes are much more different than say, those who are the same age. Don't get me wrong, some sisters are very mature for their age, Allahumma barik! 
But others, well, it shows. 
I never thought age would even be a reason as to why such behaviour exists...but now that I take a look at it from another perspective, it makes total sense. Especially a lot of the youth these days are in their own self-entitled super privileged bubble forgetting their manners with how to talk to their elders. Like, who do we think we are? Did our parents teach us and raise us to talk down to those older than us? Nevermind our parents, does Islam teach this? 



What is friendship?
These days I'm not sure I know anymore, lol.
I think I can tell you more about what friendship is NOT, though.
and that is :

All the countless excuses from sisters deeming that they can only give what they can (which to a certain degree is understandable and by all means acceptable) but when it comes to a certain point where their actions just don't match up to their words, this is not a friendship.
Constant excuses, selfishness, reaching out for your own personal gain only, this is not friendship.
When times get tough and we go through things and take our frustration and anger out on others around us, this is not friendship.
When we take but can't give, this is not friendship.
When it is all about ourselves and we don't have it in us to reciprocate and give our sisters their due rights as a Muslim, this is not friendship.
When we tell someone something and said specifically, THIS IS A SECRET, DO NOT TELL ANYONE, yet they go and tell your secrets and get upset at YOU for calling them out, THIS. IS. NOT. FRIENDSHIP.
When we can't even take a quick minute to check up on our "friends" and say "hey, how are you sis!" yet we can spend time on social media platforms, this is not friendship.
Never reaching out to someone but they are the ones reaching out to you, this is not friendship.
You go above and beyond for a "friend" yet they are ungrateful, unappreciative and feeling entitled to your kind treatment, this is not friendship. 
Blocking you because they know they are not doing their job as a friend and they get defensive at YOU, this is not friendship. 

Anything else I am missing? Please feel free to comment below. 

Since I started this new community project, I am reminded again at how important it is to maintain and build and cherish the sisterhood in Islam. I really feel a big difference from when I first started online. People have changed a lot and things are a lot different yet still the same. 
I hope with The Camellias Bloom, I can find the authentic and genuine sisters who truly care about their shade on the Day of Judgement and who don't live in their own self-entitled oblivious bubbles. 
I understand everyone is different and handles hardships and struggles differently. I also understand that people grow apart from each other due to personal differences, and that's ok...but do it with class and don't be a double standard hypocrite, may Allah protect me. Just because you get married or have children, doesn't mean you abandon your friends who were there for you once before. You might end up needing a strong support system in the end when things don't work out in the end, and maybe by then you would have pushed everyone away and left all alone for the wrong and harm you did to others.

Let us reflect, a reminder to myself and foremost.
If we want others to show up for us, show up for them first. 
Relationships goes both ways, who are we to expect that we deserve to be given without us giving first?  



Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Do not hate each other, do not envy each other, do not turn away from each other, but rather be servants of Allah as brothers. It is not lawful for a Muslim to boycott his brother for more than three days.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5718, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2559

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

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Assalamualaikum, please be mindful about what you are about to write. Think about it before writing and make sure it is something positive and beneficial, otherwise it will be deleted and ignored. JazakiAllah kheyr ! Sisters ONLY! xo