Ramadan Revival Episode 6: Motherhood

Fellow child-free-by-choice convert here. It's rare to hear like-minded women out there. There are so many valid reasons to remain child-free - climate change, mental health struggles, marital incompatibility on child-rearing, lack of financial & material resources [claiming 'Allah will provide' is such a cop-out, if it were as simple as that, children wouldn't be dying of hunger], lack of a strong support community or any social support, struggles with imaan, fear of passing on genetic medical issues & causing suffering, fear of losing one's identity and independence as a woman (which is uniquely a female problem, nearly never happens to males), fear of permanent health issues due to pregnancy, significant likelihood of PPD, extremely un-maternal personality type/lacking maternal instinct, etc.etc.etc.

I've had the very good fortune of having a few like-minded Muslim friends who are also anti-motherhood for themselves and we've been able to support each other in that regard, but it's vital that we continue to speak up for this point of view, as it is so undermined, misunderstood, glossed over, and outright stigmatized the world over, nowhere more so than the Muslim community.

The playback stopped working for me some ways into the podcast, so sorry if you addressed this further on but I didn't have time to go back and try to get it to work again: I am curious how you've come to terms with this in your marriage? When I first married, my husband and I were both very much on the same page about wanting a bunch of kids, and I ended up losing the desire completely over the last several years due to a ton of life circumstances related to the reasons above. He still very much wants kids, and it's been an ongoing source of disagreement and discussion. Did you know from the get-go that you didn't want kids, and brought it up with prospective spouses, to find a man on the same page? Did your husband start out wanting kids but sacrificed it for your sake? Or changed his mind after discussing? So curious how you've worked this out, as it's not been easy on our end.