assalamualaikum !

I've not been  posting  much on here because i'm busy with TCB but season 3 is out - the camellias bloom podcast (on spotify, google, itunes etc.) and i've migrated my thoughts,  life lessons, reflections to tcb blog

check out  our blooming bloggers community ! 

TCB is  now a supportive  platform for not just converts  and new Muslimahs, but also for born-Muslimahs  <3 !

Khadijah

assalamualaikum,

Insha'Allah everyone's Eid went ok! Whoever still frequents this blog, I am working on my new podcast season 3 , by Allah's Permission. If you haven't taken a look or listened to the podcast - go ahead and google The Camellias  Bloom Podcast ! You'll be able to find out more about what the community and podcast is all about . 

For season 3 I'm going to try something new and I need a communal (community) effort. This isn't doing a favour to me but it's for the sake of  Allah, those who choose to help. Take a look at the link and  if you choose to contribute, please do it with effort and sincerity. 

The podcast has attracted several non-Muslims by the permission of Allah. Our sisters have found your  stories inspiring and relatable and some of them have taken their Shahadah and joined our community,  Alhamdulillah!  

Your efforts will not go in vain, if you have the right intentions. 

I need as many stories as  possible, otherwise no season 3! 

May Allah allow there to  be a season 3 which will benefit the people, including myself and may He make this community and your efforts a success and a means of Him being pleased with us,  ameen. 

 Congratulations on completing your Ramadan! May Allah accept our good deeds & worship from us and from you, ameen.

I understand that you might not have achieved what you planned for, you maybe couldn't fast most of the days, and you might have even come out of Ramadan feeling deflated and defeated.

Remember something, nothing befalls us except that Allah has allowed it. The good, and the 'bad'. Do your best not to complain and remember that everything was written for you already and the past is now behind us and we only have the present to look forward to.

Allow yourself to process your emotions, reflect upon what "went wrong" and give yourself some grace. It's hard to look at the positives if we are constantly only looking for the negatives.

Reflect on all the things Allah allowed you to do. Maybe the smallest of deeds you overlooked earned you the greatest reward because of your sincere intentions. We will never know what we did, what we belittled, could be what turned out to be our success for the Akhirah!

You are not a failure, you did not fail Allah , and you are not failing yourself. Blaming yourself, blaming others, playing victim may help us feel better but in reality, it's unhealthy and it is indirectly complaining about what Allah gave you and what He decreed for you.

Allah knows the unseen and Allah knows what we know not. By the apparent, we may think that everything is against us, but if we know and understand correctly what Tawheed is, we will realise that everything that happens is actually for us and not against us.

This brings us to Eid.

Eid for many converts is a time for sadness and loneliness. Many of us know and understand this feeling very well. But guess what? It doesn't have to be this way because Allah never asked us to sit at home, alone, and sulk and feel sorry for ourselves. I actually used to do this a lot, may Allah forgive me. But, I realised, this is not going to make my situation better nor easier and I'm actually being so ungrateful, astughfurAllah.

We often times are so hasty and don't even allow the beauty of Allah's Plans to unfold. We are quick to jump to conclusions thus causing resentment, sadness, despair and thinking badly of Allah. May Allah protect us always from such evil!

We need to slow down. Take a deep breath and just exhale with gratitude and contentment.

It may be hard, but honestly, we have two choices only.

Either we sulk and be miserable at the decree of Allah , or we be proactive and shift our perspective and mindset to a place that Allah will be pleased with. The first option earns us nothing but toxicity and bad deeds while the second option earns us good deeds as well as a beautiful look into all the blessings Allah has given to us already!

This Eid, take it upon yourself to treat yourself, build your own beautiful routine and cherish the peaceful solitude that Allah has gifted you.

Your life can change in a heartbeat, literally.

What you have control of, take control of it and appreciate it and look for the good in all that you have.

Make plans, even if it is with yourself. Buy yourself a new journal, a new hijab, a new prayer mat, and go out and enjoy time alone. If that's not your style, treat yourself to some self-care home spa and just enjoy the day!

Do not compare yourself and your situation to others! Look at what Allah gave you and not what He gave others. A content and sound heart will only bring more blessings whereas, a malicious, envious heart will bring nothing but harm and poverty.

You will have the Ramadan and Eid you always dreamed of, insha'Allah. Maybe not now, and maybe not next year, but it will happen on Allah's perfect timing and not yours. So keep thinking good of Allah, keep up being happy for others, because, envy is saying that other's don't deserve what Allah has given them!

May Allah forgive and protect us!

Remember, we worship Allah because it is our purpose in life. Everything that we have, are blessings and Allah doesn't have to give them to us, yet He does.

Also remember, our relationship is not transactional in the sense that we do a good deed and expect Allah to give us something back for it, no, Allah does not need our good deed or worship but we need Him. We do things because we love Allah and we want Him to be pleased with us. We put conditions on our worship or on our relationship with Allah.

May Allah bless you all and may He forgive us and grant us His vast Mercy and Generosity. Ameen!

Go out, make plans , have fun, enjoy the day and make yourself smile and make your sisters smile. Change your mindset and perspective and you will truly see the blessings and beauty of Allah's great plan unfolding right before you, insha'Allah!

Make sure to find us on Discord, join our Eid Giveaway and make sure to DM us your outfits, event pictures and even just to say Eid Mubarak!

Assalamualaikum, 

It's been a while since I've posted on my blog. I've  been busy and caught up with TCB (The Camellias Bloom) and also studying in school! 

If you aren't sure what that is, make sure to check out my IG : thecamelliasbloom.podcast. 

Anyway, I hope you are all well (whoever still frequents my blog, lol!). 

Just a disclaimer, it's been a while since I've written on here so I am a bit rusty,  lol.

I used to  share my Ramadan Reflections on here often but I've 

taken a long break from blogging because I've been working on TCB.

If you follow TCB, you will know where I currently live. 

I'm trying to get back into blogging, insha'allah, since it is one of the things that I always find solace in and I think it's important to keep up my self-reflections and share them so maybe others could benefit, by Allah's Permission. 

Ramadan approached swiftly and left swiftly. 

To be honest, there were some Ramadans were I was left with a storm aftermath where I was left to clean up the debris. I can’t say that I’ve always had Ramadans were I felt uplifted, successful or on an emanating high, going into Shawwal. Probably since 2011 (when I first converted), I've experienced something of that nature a few times, and, Alhamdulillah for that because that is all from Allah anyway!

I've experienced a few Ramadans here so far, and I would say, half of them, were difficult, challenging, and I found myself really struggling to connect spiritually. Most of the times, I felt myself just going through the actions with my mind and not really having that inner, spiritual experience or connection to the blessed month. 

This year, I could say, was different compared to a few of my previous Ramadans here. I think that was mainly due to a hard struggle in trying to  shift in perspective and mindset and making lots of duaa throughout the year. I don't think I found that "emaan high" many look for during this special month, but I did experience something fresh and almost new. I'm not really sure how to describe the feeling, to be honest.

Anyway, Alhamdulillah for His blessings and guidance always and forever.

I was able to pace myself this year well enough to accomplish what I needed to. I also didn’t force anything upon myself and I took each day, day by day. I did what I felt came naturally, from my heart. The thoughts and ideas which inspired me, were able to reach my heart and as a by product, turned into (effortless) actions. Only by the Help, guidance and permission of Allah, He allowed it to happen and He made it easy. Allah also brought me more beautiful sisters through TCB community as He replaced those He took away. Subhana'Allah, the reality of this dunya is that, nothing is permanent, not even our friendships.  May Allah always bless us with good companions who are good for  us in all aspects, especially our deen and mental health and may He allow us to be neighbours in this life and in Jannah, ameen!

Even though it may seem like I had a productive Ramadan, and Alhamdulillah, I think I did...and even though I didn't get that "emaan high" - which to be honest, I wasn't really seeking that, I found my Ramadan to be balanced and insightful, by my Lord's Permission.

I'm actually ready, though, to get back to my regular routine, insha'Allah!

I’m not sharing this to highlight any successes nor to attract attention to 

my accomplishments. No, not at all.

Rather, I’m keeping it real and letting you all know, you win some, you lose some. 

That’s life. 

Many times, we go into Ramadan, or any acts of worship, seeking to gain that "emaan high" and when we don't get it, we  feel like we've failed and  fall into self-pity and self-destruction. 

I've been through this quite a few times!

I mean, what even is an "emaan high", lol.

While seeking that "emaan high" is beautiful, we  end up missing out on the big picture. We don’t realise that Ramadan ( or any kind of worship for Allah), is not done because we want an "emaan high". We don’t worship  Allah to worship a feeling, we worship Allah because that’s what we are supposed to do. An "emaan high" is a result you may or may not feel, or ever feel. And, that’s OK, because guess what? The "emaan high" is not the point of  why we worship Allah. 

We don’t pray, fast, avoid sins, do good deeds, just to look for a feeling - that "emaan high", just so we can validate ourselves that we are doing something right, something good.

No, we do it because that’s our duty and we are here to serve Allah, alone, not serve ourselves or our ego. Worshipping Allah, hoping to get a specific feeling out of it makes us attach our actions and our relationship to Allah in a way that is unhealthy. Because, what if we never get an "emaan high" from praying or fasting or whatever it may be? Then what? Do we stop doing it? Do we start beating ourselves up and saying we are not worthy of being a Muslim because we can't seem to get that "emaan high?" 

Indirectly, we don't even realise that our ego is involved in this type of mentality. It is unhealthy and quite toxic. 

Practicing Islam, serving Allah and worshipping Him, is our only duty and purpose in this life. It's not about us serving ourselves and doing things in return for a feeling of validation. We don't want our relationship with Allah to become transactional where we think that Allah needs to give back to us, just because we did our duties as a Muslim!

Who do we think we are! 

Allah gives because He  is Generous and Merciful. 

He gives because He does whatever He wants. 

We don't give from ourselves only because we expect Allah to give us something in return. Will we stop being a practicing Muslim and just leave Islam? May Allah protect us from such calamity and always keep us steadfast and die as Muslims upon Tawheed, ameen. 

Everything always ties back to Tawheed. Tawheed is the cure to all despair, all evil, and all our issues with our own ego. 

We often times feel despair, distraught, sad, etc.,  because we didn’t get that Ramadan vibe everyone else seems to get. But that vibe isn’t what we are meant to seek! We are meant to seek Allah and that’s it.

Instead of seeking the feelings of an "emaan high" try to seek for the feeling of gratitude and contentment because those are everlasting and with that, Allah will increase us in more. 

More in what? 

We hope in His Pleasure, His Mercy and His Forgiveness and His Kindness.

May Allah accept my worship and all of us Ameen.

This is probably one of the most crucial videos to watch for anyone who is just starting out practicing Islam. I actually resonate so strongly with this webinar because I used to be exactly one of those outwardly- "Sunnah" slayers (lol)... Alhamdulillah through  much trial and error as well as lots of humbling  hardships, Allah guided me to the centre of balance and focusing on working inward, out. 

I think it's so important that we understand what following the Sunnah really  means and it starts from working from the heart and rectifying your SELF and putting it where it  belongs.

I've been busy with TCB (The Camellias Blooom) Community so I've not focused much on writing. I don't even know who follows this blog anymore, lol. But I hope to start getting back to do some self-reflection posts from time to time, insha'Allah!