Monday, September 18, 2017

Life Updates: Chapter Five - Yo, but am I annoying tho' ?

Annoying people exist. They are everywhere and they come in different shapes and sizes. They can be people you meet for only a minute or they can be living under the same roof as you. Annoying people exist and they are as real as it gets.

I am an only child so I have always been used to spending a lot of time by myself. When I was young I used to enjoy being social and making a lot of new friends. I was never a cliquey person because I liked to have different groups of friends. Different groups of friends meant diversity and I liked (still do ) diversity. I never liked boring. I was like this up until my adult life until shortly after I became Muslim. When I first became Muslim, I wanted to meet as many sisters as I could and I became super social and wanted to attend gatherings. The revert-zeal I guess you could call it. But then things changed and socializing became exhausting.

Lately, I had an epiphany and realised though I may be a sociable being who is outgoing, at the end of the day I prefer to be alone. I am a sociable, outgoing introvert. Is that an oxymoron?

In Islam, good character, and manners are the keys to success in this life and the next. The importance of good etiquette and good manners is something highly valued in Islam. 

Growing up, I never really had good character or manners because the household that I am currently living in, never really showed me otherwise. Though I was told to have good manners, I was never shown good character and manners. There is a big difference between the two, especially if you are young and impressionable and vulnerable to your surroundings. You are basically copycatting what you see around you! So I just copied what I saw and called it a day. I was not born with good character and so this has been something I have been working hard on to improve. Especially now being around my family, I feel like I have to work even harder to not fall back into the way I once was!

I have struggled to try my best to tolerate and accept annoying people and try to put myself in their shoes. I think to myself, " maybe they are annoying for a good reason! "  It usually has a lot to do with upbringing and lack of confidence or TOO MUCH confidence. I guess parents have a lot to do with why a person is a certain way or why they aren't a certain way right? Afterall, look at me!

Then I think to myself, what if I am annoying and I just don't know it? What if what I see in others, others see in me (and don't take this the wrong way as in I don't exercise husnl dhun lol) ? Well, I guess that is why I prefer to be an observationalist rather than to be that overbearing individual who doesn't let anybody speak or who has to rebuke anything and everything someone says! Or those who seem to always talk about nothing else but themselves and anytime they ask you a question, and you answer, they totally disregard what you say and then talk about themselves. Or the super sarcastic individual who (enter sarcastic joke that is out of context and makes no sense -here) makes some comment and you are just thinking to yourself "HUH??". Oh, and don't forget the judgemental type! You can't eat or sleep without being judged. And those who meddle in your business and make you feel awkward. Or those who are way too open and speak everything on their mind and tell you flaws about yourself that you never asked them to bring up - thanks a lot.

I mean, I am sure I fall into these categories of annoying people from time to time and it is always important to reflect upon my own actions and hold myself accountable and ask myself, " was I annoying today? Was I being that overbearing controlling conversationalist who wouldn't let anyone speak and I only talked about myself?" I am sure I have been THAT  person on several occasions and when I think about it, I think to myself "ew." and head back to the drawing board and figure out what it is I need to work on.


I guess that is why I have become such an introvert and prefer to be alone. It gives me time to reflect. Even though the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer who mixes with people and patiently bears their annoyance will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and patiently bears their annoyance” (Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 2035), I prefer to be alone because I enjoy quiet and too much noise around exhausts me. Don't get me wrong, as I mentioned before, I do like to socialise and I am considered outgoing, but at the end of the day, I do prefer to just relax in my room and engage in some hobbies that allow me to enjoy time with myself. I think it is important that we all take the time to ourselves and reflect upon who we are today and who we want to be at the end of the day. We focus too much on others but we really need to focus on ourselves and make it a point to work on our character and manners. 


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have only been sent to perfect good characteristics.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad(273) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (45). 
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked about that which will admit most people to Paradise. He said: “Fear of Allaah and have a good attitude.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2004); he said it is saheeh ghareeb. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi


I decided to blog about this issue because it is something I have learned on my journey thus far living back home and in Canada. I have been able to meet a lot of new faces and new personalities alhamdulillah! Since I was in the US for a while, I could only meet people online. When you are physically with a group of people, it is very different. Annoying people are a big test and I feel a lot of the time Allah sends us people who we can't stand, in order to increase us in patience and to help us develop better character. When we meet people who are annoying (and by the way, the term 'annoying' is totally subjective, because the type of people I find annoying, other people may love and vice versa) we can either talk bad about them behind their backs (which obviously is haram) or we can take it upon ourselves to NOT become like that and work to better our characters and manners. 

I think because I am an introvert, and an only child, my tolerance for certain types of individuals are much shorter compared to those who have many siblings and are extroverts. I am not used to big crowds and big groups of people and I tend to become an observer rather than an engager. I know writing about this really has no benefit to anyone who is reading this but as most of you know (those who actually read my blog lol), writing helps me explore and organize my thoughts and it works as a release and so that is why I write what I want and what I feel. If anyone benefits from the expression of my thoughts than alhamdulillah! 

I think at the end of the day, we should never get TOO comfortable with ourselves and with people. Once we develop that sense of complacency, we forget the way we treat others and we forget the way we should treat others. Though annoying people exist and some of them will never leave us nor will they ever change, we need to work on our character and manners and remember to treat others how we wished to be treated. 

Sometimes we need to just retract and take a little time out for ourselves and think about life and its annoying people and ask ourselves, "Am I one of them?" 

2 comments:

  1. As salaamu alaykum! I was laughing throughout this post, LOL! Alhamdulillah, you mentioned that others may not benefit from this, but I did! I'm similar to you, in that I am an introvert and when I converted I tried to become more social and pushed myself outside of my comfort zone to try to meet new Muslim friends. As the years have gone by I have come to embrace my introversion and try to avoid situations and people that I know will drain me. Although I can relate to having annoying people around me, the best thing about this post is that it reminded me to think more about how I treat others and how I can always work towards improving MY character and attitude for the sake of Allah. There's a real benefit to being introspective, Alhamdulillah. BarakAllahu feek and jazakAllahu khayran for sharing your thoughts.

    P.S. I'm so curious about WHO inspired this post and what they've been doing to annoy you, LOL! But that's between you and Allah;-)

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    1. Walaikumassalam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu !!! Ameen wa iyyaki!! Hahha u will never knowwwww!! Plus u probably don't even kno them lolz! Always look forward to ur comments! Xo

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Assalamualaikum, please be mindful about what you are about to write. Think about it before writing and make sure it is something positive and beneficial, otherwise it will be deleted and ignored. JazakiAllah kheyr ! Sisters ONLY! xo