Wednesday, May 27, 2020


Eid Mubarak, ladies. May Allah accept our fasts and bless us with many blessings this year and more to come ameen!

I hope you're all well.
I decided to start a new project, insha'Allah specifically for Convert/Revert sisters. I will be hosting my own Podcast Show , insha'allah (currently in the words by the permission of Allah). Hope you can all support and join in on the fun, for now, I've only got an Instagram account poppin' so check it out insha'Allah : 

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

COVID-19: Social distancing

I'm an introvert, I'm a picky introvert and I'm a moody introvert.
I'm not really easy to handle and so that's why I don't really care to have many new friends. Not many people can understand me nor put up with me and to accept me with all my unstable emotions, well, I don't blame them for not sticking around, lol. I'm different and I know it and that's why I don't really don't have time to tolerate people overstep my boundaries.

I admit I can be also pretty judgemental and quick to jump to conclusions, but who isn't?
I find myself jumping to conclusions quickly when it comes to meeting people for the very first time, especially those online. I've met quite a bit of extroverted alpha-females these days and all I can say is, Alhamdulillah for social distancing. I know they say no physical distancing these days because of COVID-19 and while that is an act of torture for many, it is a blessing for me. If the world could only incorporate constant physical and social distancing more often, the world would be a much quieter and peaceful place?
Well, who knows, lol. But for me, it would.

I practice social distancing not because I have to but because I can't deal with people.
Well, I can but I don't want to.
I remember I joined a bunch of Whatsapp groups before COVID-19 and it was not willingly but forced. I met a bunch of judgemental people who made a bunch of stupid comments about my lifestyle of being an introvert or the fact that I loved living in Canada, a non-Muslim country (oh no! enter the one-sided rigid salafeez force-fed opinions here.)

Firstly, nobody asked you if I cared about what you thought and nobody asked you for your stance on living in a non-Muslim country. Everybody has their own experiences and, ha, living in a Muslim country these days really is no different than living in a non-Muslim one. In fact, many who have lived in Muslim countries have actually repatriated themselves back to their NON-MUSLIM home country due to the fact that they couldn't find the deen anywhere nor could they deal with the backwards mentality and racism of living in a Muslim country! And, everybody's life is different and that includes their personal experiences and their relationship with/to Allah. Nobody should hijack that and it really is nobody's business. If they didn't ask for advice, don't give it. If they are looking for support, give it without judgements. Who are you to say where and how someone should live? Who are YOU? lol.
It's so interesting to see just how many people these days share their self-entitled opinions when nobody asked for it. Especially, when they are speaking out of complete ignorance.
To be fair, I could have totally misunderstood their words and intentions and they could have truly meant well and thought they were giving good advice, but even so, I barely even know you and the way they delivered their words were just so, one-sided.
Like, ew. Bad vibes. When someone's words make you feel a certain way, don't ignore your feelings, you have a right to feel that way, even if you think you are being oversensitive. Nobody should ever cross those boundaries. Respect is a two-way street and you deserved to be respected and not judged for what you believe in.

Do you see what I prefer to social distance myself from 'society'?
I have two friends who I can rely on and who I speak with regularly and they don't judge me nor do they force-feed their opinions down my throat yet they remind me of Allah and help me strive to be better. They also encourage me to be and do better even though they don't say it directly.

I don't like to force-feed anything to others when it comes to the deen. It's a dangerous thing to do. Somebody's connection with Allah and what they do for Allah or what they don't do, it's really not your business. Stay out of it. Sometimes, I do try to 'force-feed' my experiences down others' throats, though. lol. But it's only to clarify any misconceptions and ideas regarding certain assumptions of things that are not realistic or accurate. Usually, it's nothing to do with the deen, though.

Social distancing allows me to try to improve my forever bad habits and work on improving my character. But I find that the more I mix and mingle with these above-mentioned types of people, it makes me take two steps back at trying to better myself. I don't preach good character or good manners because I have these good qualities, lol. I preach them in order to remind myself. Whoever is there to hear me preach, then they can benefit too, insha'Allah. It's hard for me to practice my forever struggle of having good manners and good character especially when I meet extroverted, rambunctious, self-entitled females who just feel they have the right to overstep my boundaries! I've realized just how MUCH I clash with these types of individuals and that I shouldn't have to force myself to be friends or even interact with personalities that are opposite of mine. It's a great fitnah for me to have to deal with these types of people.

I've learned, instead of facing these types of people, I just prefer to not have to deal with them in the first place. I mean, dealing with these types of people aren't going to make me better, right? Why can't I just avoid them altogether if I can?
Thank you, social distancing.

The prophet () always took the easier of the two,Whenever Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) was given the choice of one of two matters, he would choose the easier of the two, as long as it was not sinful to do so, but if it was sinful to do so, he would not approach it. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) never took revenge (over anybody) for his own sake but (he did) only when Allah's Legal Bindings were outraged in which case he would take revenge for Allah's Sake.
And, so I take the easier approach and do what is best for me and my wellbeing.
I guess what I'm basically trying to say, is that social distancing is a good thing and even after this whole COVID-19 thing, we should maintain it to a certain degree when dealing with people who don't add any value or positivity to our lives.

Many people would view COVID-19 as an absolute calamity while others, including myself, will see all the hidden beautiful benefits and advantages.
Do you agree? Or disagree? Why?

Monday, April 27, 2020


So, I've been browsing through Facebook because it helps me keep up with worldly events and to also see what kind of nonsense is spreading during this time. A consistent theme I have been seeing is that just how many cultural and born Muslims are dependent on their Ramadan social gatherings! Subhana'Allah!

I've been seeing a bunch of these skit reminders and posts where they are reminding (mainly born) Muslims about how there won't be Taraweeh in the masjids and to urge everyone to stay in their homes during Ramadan. This year, it seems that no masjids will be open during Ramadan. That means no iftar, no suhoor, no five daily prayers and no Taraweeh in the masjids (mosques) this Ramadan. Now, while this is something foreign and heartbreaking to many men and even some women, I feel like it's definitely a beautiful lesson for us to all learn.
It is a time for some to realize that Ramadan is actually a month of solitude and serene worship between the creation and their Creator.

I've written countless posts regarding my Ramadan experiences. At the beginning of it all, I was sad and unable to acknowledge the importance of spending Ramadan in solitude. When I first converted, I expected Ramadan to be a family function and I wanted to be a part of that cultural practice. I thought spending Ramadan with a Muslim family where everyone engaged in worship together and spent time reflecting and understanding the deen together was how a (born) Muslim family celebrated Ramadan, lol.
I couldn't have been more wrong, lol.

Anyway, I'm not here to judge others and how they want to spend their Ramadan but I am here to write about this COVID-19 thing and how it has forced many of us, including myself to spend Ramadan at home. I will, however, mention that, to see many born Muslims share their sorrows of not being able to spend Ramadan in the masjid or spend it with their extended families, kind of makes me sad. I mean, of course, Ramadan is about praying in the masjid and worshiping Allah in a congregation, but when it comes down to it, even though you are standing shoulder to shoulder and standing before the imam reciting the Qur'an, you are to experience a singular and individual experience with you and Allah. Ramadan is for you to improve your relationship with Allah and with yourself. That can't be done by spending all your hours with family and friends. Sometimes, I don't understand how many born Muslim families consider Ramadan a time for eating and sitting with each other and automatically, that's how you are getting closer to Allah. I've kind of witnessed this and experienced it for myself recently and honestly, it is far from the reality of what Ramadan should be.

Ramadan should be a lot of things and spending 24/7 with friends and family, eating and laughing and watching sitcoms is something it shouldn't be.
Ramadan shouldn't be about just sitting there and looking at the time and waiting for that minute to hit the sunset time. Ramadan shouldn't be you wondering what you will buy for Eid and spend countless hours scrolling down your shopping app for the latest trends. Ramadan shouldn't be about just spending hours in the kitchen to prepare iftar. Ramadan shouldn't be about reading Qur'an from cover to cover only the words leaving the tongue. Ramadan shouldn't be about just the technical and physical actions of a Muslim.
I'm really blessed to be able to realize that Allah has allowed me to spend countless Ramadans alone and being able to find that balance of going to the masjid and spending it in the comfort of my own home. I feel blessed that I am able to finally realize that Ramadan should be focusing on bettering myself and preparing my meeting with my Lord, Allah.

So, what should Ramadan be about?
What are your thoughts? Comment below if you'd like.

COVID-19: I'm wasting time.

These quarantine days haven't necessarily been any different than my usual regular routine outside of this whole COVID-19 situation.

I usually spend time alone most of the day and stay at home as much as possible. I actually have to force myself to go outside and get a breath of fresh air, otherwise, I could just continue staying at home avoiding people and avoiding life. 
Sometimes, the thought of getting dressed and having to put on all that Islamic gear, sunscreen and getting my purse ready and then thinking about how I'll feel hot while I'm out or getting too much sun totally just warrants me to stay at home and not be bothered with such strenuous tasks. Not to mention, having to shower and take off the sunscreen with a cleansing balm so my pores don't clog and end up giving me zits and then having to do laundry because you unwillingly perspired under all that fabric of love. I'm sure some of you get me. 

Now that I'm forced to stay at home, I feel like I'm on a holiday. An indefinite holiday where I feel like I can just sit and do absolutely nothing outside of my regular routine. Ramadan is a week away and I know I should be preparing for it but here I am, playing Scrabble Go and wondering what kind of nothing I should do for the rest of the day. 

I am aware that this time-wasting will be held against me on the Day I meet Allah. I know I should be doing more with my time and for His Sake, I should be as productive as possible.
You know, I envy (in a positive way) those who are so active in the deen and so consistently active. Like I've met a bunch of sisters on social media back in 2011 and to this day, they are still engaged in Qur'an studies and forcefully enjoining good and forbidding evil (well, so it seems on their Instagram accounts). They still (seem) to be the same kind of people they once were when I first 'met' them. These types of people seemingly are very inspirational to me as I struggle with consistency and as well, I get bored very quickly. When I start something, I usually intend to finish it but on my own schedule. I hate setting short-term goals or even long-term goals because then I feel forced and once I feel forced into something, I will just lose interest and end up hating something or leaving it altogether. I know this is not a good thing and I recognize it. I'm still trying to find that balance and trying to figure out how I can stay engaged and consistent without turning something into a chore (daunting task?). I know Allah loves consistency even if the deed was something small. I have to remember that.

I think because I'm somewhat an OCDer and an imperfect-perfectionist, I think only grandiose deeds are most beloved and acceptable for rewards. This is not true and I know it, and here's proof, Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Take up good deeds only as much as you are able, for the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.” (Sunan Ibn Mājah 4240 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani) 

While it's good to always surround yourself with those who are righteous, I think I've realized that I need to surround myself with people who understand balance and who also recognize that they are human beings who err and struggle. We live in the dunya and therefore we should acknowledge that the dunya is part of this life. We have to find that balance. I wish that I could go back to 2011 and spend every waking, breathing hour learning the deen, spreading the deen and engaging and encouraging others to do the same. I wish I could go back to the way I once was, but as I've learned throughout this journey to Allah, is that, though life is not constant, we are constantly changing. 

I've changed a lot. I've also recognized that I'm not that person I once was back in 2011. Situations are different now and I need to just go with the flow. I know I am wasting time now, I know it and I'm not happy about it. But I also know that I need to figure out what works for me without me falling into what I fell into back in the earlier years of my new Muslim days. I took the plunge when I didn't even know how to float. 

Well, one thing is for sure. 
Something that has kept with me consistently since I converted to Islam has been my writing. Without me even knowing or realizing, writing has always stuck with me. During my easiest and most difficult days, I've always kept writing. By default, I write when I'm happy, sad or just feeling bored and without even knowing it, writing has been the only form of solace that has stuck by me throughout this journey to Allah. 

So, I guess I will continue to write for as long as Allah wills for maybe this is that small, consistent good deed that can help me on the Day I return to Allah. 
The thought of returning to Allah just sends me terrifying chills. 
I guess that's another topic for another day, insha'Allah. 

Sunday, April 19, 2020

COVID19 : Ramadan Group

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu,

as Ramadan is in a few days (wow, subhana'Allah!) and most of us (those who can follow rules) are in quarantine, I was thinking to start a Ramadan group where we share reminders daily from the Qur'an and Sunnah. I think it would be a good idea to help each other do small deeds during this time, insha'Allah. The group will be on LINE app ( avoiding whatsapp) . If you are interested, you will have to download the app and e-mail me your user ID , at !