Wednesday, August 22, 2012

My Ramadan 2012

Ramadan came and went, as if it were a strong wind that blew the dry leaves off the ground on a cool, Autumn morning.

Subhana'Allah, I feel a bit lonely now that Ramadan has left me. It was the month that kept me company and it was the month that became my companion. I had not realised what the "Ramadan hype" was all about until this year and I am not talking about the kind of hype that seemed to circulate on the blogs of the modern day Muslimah (i.e- what to cook for iftar, the countdown to breaking your fast, so on and so forth), but I am talking about the hype of reflection, repentance, and ibadaah.

As I had mentioned in my earlier posts prior to Ramadan, I was a bit sad at the fact that I was not able to spend my Ramadan in Saudi with my loved ones. This truly had a HUGE affect on me. I struggled to stay positive and tried hard to avoid sulking but nothing seemed to stop my emotional roller coaster . I admit, my iman was riding the waves like an amateur surfer. I would be up and then down, and then struggling to get up and then right when I was up, I was down again. I was lacking gratitude, focus, and motivation. I was feeling like my duaas were never being answered (astughfurAllah) and I couldn't help but feel this unsettling feeling in my heart. I felt like Allah had abandoned me and left me lost on His path (Subhana'Allah). How many of you sisters have felt this way?


fast forward to Ramadan.

After the initial two weeks of feeling sorry for myself (astughfurAllah) and sad due to the fact that I was spending Ramadan alone (i.e- eating sahuur and iftar and praying taraweeh and tahajjud alone ,and going to the masjid would not work around my dad's work schedule since I wanted to obey my husband's orders), Allah answered my duaas. I forced myself bidhni Allah, to think about all the sisters who spent not only Ramadan, but every day, alone and struggling to practise Islam. I reminded myself that it was a blessing to be able to have food to break my fast. I knew how it felt to be one of those sisters who had to deal with their kafir family members and realised truly how Generous Allah is. I began to feel more at ease and I was able to establish my Ramadan routine. I realised that this solidarity was actually to my advantage, and so I took FULL advantage of it.

I made sure to play the Qur'an daily at my parent's home (while they were at work) and I was able to try out new recipes, read Qur'an in Arabic daily, memorize a handful of Surahs, and pray taraweeh and tahajjud every (other) night. I even managed to hide three idols out of the thousands that my parents have (lol).
I did much reflecting and began to enjoy sahuur and iftar by myself. I truly did. 

I loved my Ramadan and wish that I could hold on to it. Insha'Allah I can continue the goals I had established, accomplished, and set for myself during this month for another year (insha'Allah!)

Subhana'Allah how Allah created us humans to be able to adapt to any sort of environment after a period of time. I reliased my weak points and character flaws and made sure that I HAD to improve on them (post Ramadan as well, insha'Allah) and so this is what I learnt this year , my Ramadan 2012 & if I'm even lucky enough to see this blessed holy month again.


This Ramadan I learnt :

- How to bake a proper Khaliat Nahal bread (honeycomb bread) with laughing cow cheese and rose water syrup.
- How to make Afghani rice (Qabali rice) with my own version of curry
- How to enjoy eating sahuur and iftar by myself
- How to carry a conversation in Arabic (texting)
- How to work out while fasting (it actually makes you stronger !)


- To count my own blessings before counting OTHERS blessings
- The ABSOLUTE importance of continuing to seek knowledge of my deen
- The importance of being consistent, confident, ambitious, and passionate about Islam 
- To distance myself from sisters who waste my time and do not bring me closer to Allah, and to not let them distract me or influence me easily (i.e-to be lazy with seeking knowledge and talking about nonsense things)
- To be honest and straightforward (while maintaining good Akhlaq)
- HOW PRECIOUS TIME IS!(constantly remind myself of the Day of Judgement and about death)
- That everything that happens is from the blessings of Allah (good and bad) and He doesn't HAVE to give you something, but because He is MOST MERCIFUL AND OFT FORGIVING & because He does whatever He Wills.
- To develop more TAWAKKUL, and how it makes your life so much easier (instead of constantly worrying and stressing about worldly affairs)
- TO BE A BETTER SERVANT OF ALLAH, and a better wife insha'Allah!
- To continue to strengthen my relationship with my PERFECT CREATOR, aiming to be amongst the righteous in Al-Firdaus Insha'Allah!!!!

AND LASTLY,
To be a stranger in this world, and to remain a stranger in this world until the day I die (May I die in the state of la ilaha ilAllah)
Ameen.



Until next year, if I even live to see another blessed Ramadan.......(insha'Allah)




&  here is my post on my FIRST Ramadan 2011 : (Subhana'Allah, quite similar dont you think?) 

My last Ramadan : 



My first Ramadhan and Eid experience did not live up to that of the Twitter and Facebook status updates. I will share with you my experience and what I thought about this blessed month. The month where The Holy Qur'an was revealed, the month of extra worship, the month of fasting.

I wasn't sure what Ramadhan would entail since it was my very first one. I heard that many Muslims (not all), they make it more of a huge event than it really is, in terms of feasts, food being wasted, large family gatherings, and weight gaining. Many individuals would eat before praying Maghrib and many would also experience weight gaining at the end of Ramadhan. AstughfurAllah! The Holy Month of Ibadah (worship) has turned into, for some, the holy month of eating!  Also, during Ramadhan, the part-time Muslims were hard at work, and once Ramadhan ended, they would be back to their full-time job with shaitan. I chuckled at the thought of this.

First of all, how is it even possible to be a part-time Muslim? Well, it is very possible and it happening everywhere in the world today.
Secondly, since when did Ramadhan become a social event? I thought the main purpose was to worship your Creator and show Him your gratitude!?
Thirdly, what ever happened to sticking to what Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) taught?

I am not sure how most of the Muslim's Ramadhan went, but my Ramadhan went a little something like this:

It was quiet and extremely simple.
I had much time alone to reflect on my relationship with my Creator.
I didn't have any big Iftar parties.
I blogged a lot.
I prayed a bit more than I normally prayed.
I took more naps than usual.
I learned how to cook two Saudi dishes.
I thought about ways to work on my Iman.
I truly thought about death and truly dreaded the Day.
I was able to envision in my mind the day the Angel of death came to take me away
I thanked Allah continuously for the opportunity to live each day to worship Him and only Him

As you can see, my Ramadhan was uneventful and quite "boring" compared to most Muslims, but I have to say that I preferred it to be that way rather than loud, hectic, and distracting. It was nice to spend it by myself and with my husband.

I had a lot of time to reflect about my new life and how I never ever want to go astray. I had much time to really think about what it would be like in my grave when I die. Really envisioning the confined space, with nowhere to go, nothing to see except darkness. Though I am dead, my soul is still alive in my grave, waiting for the Day of Resurrection. This thought frightens me because I know that after the grave, comes the Day when we will all be judged by our Creator. So instead of stuffing my face during Iftar and Sahur, instead of worrying what new outfit I was going to wear on Eid, and instead of being busy with family gatherings, I was busy worrying about how to strengthen my iman, how to keep myself focused on the straight path until the day I die, how to live my life day by day until the Day of Judgement arrives.

I would say for my first Ramadhan, it was the most productive time I have ever had in a long, long time. Now that Ramadhan is finished, I plan to live my life with the image of me in my grave waiting for that brutally, scorching, terrible Day of Judgement and a suggestion for the part-time Muslims, you may not live to make it to the next Ramadhan, so you might as well start working hard and promote yourself to Full-time Muslim.



9 comments:

  1. Assalam Aleykum. Mashaallah sis very beutiful blog. MashaAllah you've chose such a different path from the path you've followed before. I truly admire your choice. May Allah guard and protect you on you way to the truth.

    Your exerince from both Ramadans are different. your Iman is much stronger and I hope It will continue to be stronger and never go down inshaAllah.

    During Ramadan I always contemplate on my deeds and how to strengthen my Iman. I read a lot of Quran as well as learn. I already miss it...it brings so much peace in my life.

    Thank you very much for visiting my blog and letting me know that such an amazing person like you exist.

    Eid Mubarak!!!. May you fast be accepted an sins forgiven.

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    1. walaikumassalam my dear sis!!!!!! masha'Allah i am so happy you enjoyed this post and that you took the time to read it :)

      I miss Ramadan so much too ! It truly is/ was a beautiful month subhana'Allah!

      Eid Mubarak to you too and thank YOUUUU so much for visiting my blog !!! <3<3<3
      Insha'Allah i will be regularly visiting your sweet blog :)

      xoxoxo much love for the sake of Allah

      Khadijah

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  2. Salam.

    Whenever Ramadan comes I always embrace it, and everyday that passes by it becomes painful to me (mentally and emotionally) because that day has ended and I don't know if I did good or not in the sake of Allah. On the last days I become tired physically from fasting as we all do, but I embrace it more and I get very emotional when I'm by myself. On the last days of Ramadan, specially the last day, I get depressed and I don't want to stop fasting and as soon as we break our fast Ramadan is done and I have to wait another year until it comes around. I don't know why I feel like this, but in the month of Ramadan I get tons of real hardships and obstacles that come about and I pray through it and do what I must as a Muslim. When I hear about a muslim passed away in the Month of Ramadan I wish it was me. And in some rare cases, that when I hear about a Muslim whom passed away as a saaj'd to Allah I can't hold back my tears ... either in the month of Ramadan or not. Inshallah Allah brings us all together.

    Salam.

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    1. ASSALAMUALAIKUM WA RAHMATULAHI WA BARAKATU
      thanks for taking the time to read my post :)

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  3. Salam alaikum sister,

    May Allah Let you live To benefit from many more ramadans, Ameen.

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    1. walaikumassalam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu sissy

      Ameen ya Rabb, and you as well ! xoxo

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  4. Asalamualaikum I loved this post! I can relate to a lot of it especially what you went through during the lead up to Ramadhan and then how you came out of it. SubhanAllah the nature of this life and of imaan is that it always fluctuates and what scares me is that maybe soon I'll be feeling the lows all over again... But alhamdulillah. What is important is to get out of those low times quickly and to take action to increase the imaan.

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    1. walaikumassalam wa rahamtulahi wa barakatu sis!
      thank you for your lovely comment and I couldn't agree more! we must fight our nafs and shaitan and the whole point of Ramadan is so that we continue to maintain our routine we picked up during the blessed month ! Hoping that we learnt something and to apply it to our year to come insha'Allah!

      xo thanks for stopping by :)

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  5. Assalaamau Laikum! wonderful post sis! Masha'Allah!

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Assalamualaikum, please be mindful about what you are about to write. Think about it before writing and make sure it is something positive and beneficial, otherwise it will be deleted and ignored. JazakiAllah kheyr ! Sisters ONLY! xo